Pride And Passion - The Franks Interview

“Annie Who” By The Franks

Where I happen to reside if I were to talk about my “feelings” , most chaps would look as if they’d wish the ground would swallow them up or give me a look of pure disgust , they would then refuse to make eye contact and spend the remainder of the evening talking about football, wrestling, Jeremy Clarkson (thank god for commas! ) and power tools. Of course we all know football was invented to enable men to talk to each other and avoid shameful discussions involving sentiment or complex personal issues , it does however provide a structure in which men can reveal certain basic emotions… happiness and joy can be described thus “ I was over The moon” upset and despair can be reduced to “I was as sick as a parrot “ or simply the word “Gutted” accompanied with a remorseful shake of the head. Cognitive therapy is offered in the form of an alcoholic beverage “Have another Pint mate” “you need to get lashed mate” etc . Now in case you haven’t noticed I rather like music, it’s something that I’ve always been passionate about and have loved ever since I can remember. Sadly many of my peer group think it’s a bit “gay” or that I really should grow up . Ironically this reaction usually comes from grown men who think that it is all right to spend a Saturday afternoon watching a group of young lads run around in shorts chasing a pigs bladder and praying that they score. One chap presented me with these unsolicited pearls of wisdom ..“that music lark is a bit gay , it’s for kids and drama students, cept for U2 who can still do it, you wanna grow up mate and get down the match”, this is a person who ironically spent three months learning to sew , in order to produce a banner that he could proudly unfurl at the Merseyside Derby bearing the legend “Steven Gerrard Is A Hom” When his wife left him due to the fact he’d been spending all his money and time on football and in the pub I rang him to see how he was, he told me he was “gutted” and as “sick as a parrott” …. I offered to buy him a pint !

Thankfully not all chaps are as emotionally stunted, and music can be a wonderful way to express your feelings. I’ve always been more drawn to music that comes from the heart, Ive not much time for manufactured guff. The sort of music that still costs you a fair few bob but provides all the emotional depth of a cheap fumble down a back alley. Nor do I have much time for pretentious drivel that merely seeks to impress how well read you are, or middle class home county boys trying too hard to be “edgy.” For me music has true meaning when its delivered by people who produce it because they love it and because they have something to say about situations we can all relate to .. It is not merely used as vehicle to become famous. Expressing yourself through music is not something you can learn from a manual or from studying theories or developing formulas, it goes a lot deeper than that .. Which leads me on to The Franks, a band who sing from the heart and deliver songs of raw emotion dealing with , regret futility, isolation, anger and beauty (pretty much all the emotions I experience whence looking in the mirror ) Guitars slice through soaring heartfelt vocals which quite frankly make me want to swagger about my local Aldi chewing gum, wearing raybans and a leather jacket and being all mysterious and poetic,like. but sadly in my case I’d just look like I was a bit of a t**t. I therefore resolved to interview the band instead ……..

VP: So you knew each other from school, and then last year where individually scattered across Europe, glamorous cities such as Paris, Madrid Edinburgh and erm Sunderland. How on earth did you come up with an albums worth of material Under these circumstances?

MIKE: Well, whenever there was a break in our term abroad e.g. Christmas, easter, summer we would be back in London, in the lounge (the ‘special’ room in my house where it all comes together) working on Jamie’s ideas and bringing them to life…at times for up to 12 hours a day. Jamie’s initial idea would always get Dean and myself perked up and then for the rest of the day, vocal/ guitar parts ideas and developments would just seamlessly grow out of each other, eventually concluding – ‘wow. we have a pretty good song on our hands.’ When we were separated, I would often be in contact with Jamie and he would play down the phone or send me rough recordings over the net of new ideas, which would then get my mind ticking and thinking until our next chance to meet together. I hated my year in Paris, simply because I was so desperate to be at home working on these ideas and doing what I was so desperate to be doing! I think the distance has benefited us in the long run though as it has allowed an accumulation of so many different ideas.

JAMIE: I’m thinking of ideas and tunes and potential material for songs 24/7, and it at times benefited the song because you’d leave an idea and come back to it a couple months later and see if it was something worth pursuing… so, in a sense, it proved a test for the material’s longevity. I’d say it was an advantage of being apart and afterwards, we had a pool of great ideas which then turned into songs which we could draw on. To be honest, we probably have 2 or 3 albums worth of ideas which could become songs. There’s also something inspiring about a distance or a gap that has to be bridged, and you know an idea can never fully come into fruition until…there was something tantalizing about an idea left, just left with me on an acoustic which in my head had the potential to find its, you know, full potential with a full band…Sometimes it’s true you lose faith in an idea, but most of the time you know straight away if something’s great.

DEAN: Yea. I certainly do think it was the fact that we were all so far apart from each other that made us so enthusiastic about getting back together and back writing.

VP: Where did the Album’s title “Suzy Cant Spell” come from?

JAMIE: I don’t know… sort of a cutting satirical homage to the music industry, not that it has made any impact or not that anyone knows it or us yet, but nevertheless it was called that because it had a nice ring to it and because the story behind it is as follows… I met a record executive in a pub who promised us the world and he had a receptionist called Suzy, whose spelling in her correspondence to us left a lot to uh be desired. We thought it was fitting name for our debut- well it probably won’t be our debut- but our first self-produced album… the moral being if it’s too good to be true, it probably is. Having said that, I’m sure he’s waiting in the wings somewhere just like all the music industry hyenas are.

MIKE: Ahh, Suzy !! What was funny about this was that we could never understand the tone of the message, or clarify exactly what the message entailed since she never used any punctuation and frequently mis-spelt key words! Hence, it once cropped up conversationally: ‘well we’ve got no way of knowing…Suzy can’t spell’. We took it from there. I suppose it has an extra poignancy since it embodies those youthful hopes and dreams, and the feeling that we were so very close to a big deal and a major breakthrough…as it turns out, nothing ever came of Mr Sony exec…and the fight goes on!

VP: You were initially called Semi-Royal Blood (sound like something from the Da Vinci code) what made you change your name? who came up with it, and why?

JAMIE: The reason we changed it is precisely that- it sounded like something out of the Da Vinci Code. Michael came up with it by flicking through a novel by Emily Bronte called The Spell. It was certainly a name that we knew no one else would have. But gradually it dawned on us that that might not be a good thing. At the end of the day, we thought it was a bit too “try-hard” and eventually went for a name as neutral as possible. I mean, any name is going to conjure up associations with something, but at least if people think boring and it’s not, you’ve got a chance to win them over. Yea, The Franks…I didn’t really want anything associated, I feel icky having anything associated with myself or my name in a band. If I were a solo artist I’d probably come up with a pseudonym.

MIKE: Funny this question should follow question 2! We changed the name because Mr Sony exec advised us to…he said “Semi Royal Blood” sounds like a horror movie. We were simultaneously starting to doubt the name anyway, and it the slightly try-hard feel it had to it. The name was never going to stick…after a good gig we would frequently be approached: “I really liked your show, what did you say you are called…half royals?

DEAN:. We all seemed to like it at first, it was better than our previous name and seemed to hold a sense of mystery, but over time we just realised that it was a bit of a risky name as it conjured up images in people’s minds before they even heard our music. For that reason we went with The Franks, which is a much more neutral name. I think Mike came up with that one too, though it comes from Jamie’s nickname (Frank), and it at least lets the music speak for itself.

VP: You toured Americas East Coast in 2006, how did you enjoy that experience?

JAMIE: How did I enjoy it? It was a bizarre… experience but definitely a worthwhile one. Although the crowds weren’t what we expected, we learned about each other as people and … it didn’t leave us with any romantic or glamorous notions of touring, but in a sense I think it was good because it firstly kept our feet on the ground and secondly…it directed the passion where it should be I guess, which is to the music. Having said that, we had our fun and our laughs. And even winning a few people over at 1:30 in the morning at a New York venue was a small victory. Actually I think it’s an aspect of the music industry that all musicians should see- how it is at the bottom because then you appreciate things when you get to the top-( not that we’re anywhere near there…!)

MIKE: I could actually, write a dissertation on this question. Such were the ups and downs, the laughs – the cries, the surreal events that unfolded. Lets just say we blindly took up an offer from a poor man in New Jersey who found us on the internet, to live in his garage and play a few shows to inappropriate crowds. Of course there was the promise of playing packed out venues in New York, but this man didn’t have a clue what he was doing. One of the highlights was driving (a round trip of 7 hours) to Maryland, where we unloaded our stuff at a red neck biker joint. After a few chronic sounding songs through our home-made and DIY set-up p.a. system, the long haired bikers demanded some : ‘The Clash’, to which we could only respond with a cover of ‘Yellow’ by Coldplay. This promptly signalled an early end to our night as our manager was threatened (with one of those: you’re going to lose your head charades) for us to pack up and get the hell out of their town. It was originally intended to be a 3 hour set! Other highlights involved, fearing murder from our host when he found out we had set up a separate myspace for our new band name and material (the franks) as we didn’t want him knowing about the stuff and him getting his hands on it. Playing a set at 3am in the gun capital of America ‘Trenton’ – risking it all in a support slot for the most promising local talent: a solo artist confined to a wheelchair dubbed ‘Velvet Crayon’ who could play 13 instruments at once, despite having no arms or legs. I could go on for hours, but aside from coming dangerously close to a thunder bolt which struck inches from our car on the motorway and heading off to the beach for some relief and to get drunk, only to find we’d booked up a hotel residence in New Jersey’s only ‘dry town’. We couldn’t even drown our sorrows. It was a trip we all have fond memories of though, and was, without doubt a huge step forward in terms of the time we spent together bonding, the songs that were written and the inspiration first-hand of a country with a quite astounding way-of-life.

DEAN: Music, beach, band from London, American girls, our British accents…I think you see where this is going! Aside from all the fun though it was such an important phase in our career since it was a real transitional period for us where we began to develop our sound and to bond as a group.

VP : Sounds like there’s a bit of heartbreak going on within some of the songs, are these personal, or from observing others?

JAMIE: Hmm heartbreak personal or observational…a bit of both. I find it quite easy to conjure up tragic scenarios, which could affect all of us including myself. So… the lyrics in many ways are I guess a psychological defence mechanisms for the future. Let me try and explain this. I see music as a refuge and a container of tragedy. When you feel bad, or depressed, you can turn to music to make you feel better. It has that sort of unique power. But it sort of makes sense I suppose; you go to something even more depressing than you’re feeling to make you feel better… But what I think our songs do have is the mix of tragedy and comedy. A lot of the songs have that, tongue-in-cheekiness about them. So yea, obviously there are things I’ve experienced which the lyrics reflect and they reflect reality genuinely and others are my conjuring up scenarios that might happen in the future and these songs will be the songs maybe that other people or even I, would listen to in the future. Well I guess, other people would listen to them now- but maybe I would listen to them in the future. When I sit down to write lyrics…not that I’m sitting at a table with my pen in my hand, it’s completely the other way around- more often than not it’s an image or a phrase that comes into my head and you just know at that moment- you just know whether its –( all I can do is speak for myself )- whether it strikes a chord within me and hopefully strike a chord with a few other people. Though that’s not what I’m trying to do. You do have to write music for yourself it is a very personal thing.

MIKE: Yeah Jamie is the aching soul behind the music and I must say that whilst some of our tracks our fun loving rock music, certain others have a special edge: a tone and mood that can only be the product of first-hand heart-wrenching experiences.

DEAN: Yes Jamie writes 99% of the lyrics. I think I’ve maybe come up with 2 lines of our current album – both from lyrics I’ve misheard others sing! Despite this though, I try to find my own way to relate to our lyrics so that I can get more into playing the songs live – I think that this is really important.

VP: What sort of music are you all into?

JAMIE: Ummmm, anything with a powerful strong melody. (Laughs). That’s it.

MIKE: We’re not worlds apart in our taste of music. I, personally, grew up inspired by the music of the 90s both in England and in the States: The likes of The Manic Street Preachers, early Ash/ Radiohead/ Idlewild/ My Vitriol as well as the slightly heavier tones of Incubus, Deftones etc from the states… Generally hard-hitting melodic rock music. A special fondness for the Smiths also, without which, I don’t think I would have made it through my year in Paris.

DEAN: I’m into all sorts really, though I’m not a massive fan of RnB or hip-hop. I’d have to say that my favourite artists are Frank Sinatra, Idlewild, The Beatles and Panic! At The Disco, though I’m trying to force myself to like as much as possible from the current indie scene. I like to think that I have a varied music taste, and I guess I just listen to whatever I’m in the mood for!

VP:You are relocating To Edinburgh (my favourite city) next year Any reason why you picked there and not London?

JAMIE: Next year I will be in my final year at Edinburgh University studying English literature and rather than jump into the uncertain world of rock n roll just yet, I wanted to finish my interesting degree. Uhh, and as the others, they’ve finished, and they were good enough to agree to come up here. We’ll be back home in London this summer though.

MIKE: By all moving to Edinburgh, we can – for the first time in our history – be able to effectively live together, working solidly on honing our sound and gigging.

DEAN: As mentioned the main objective for next year is for us to all be together. So as Jamie still has one more year at Uni , we’re moving up there to be with him. Aren’t we such nice guys?

VP: What are your plans for 2008; you have a slot at Glasto I believe.

JAMIE: Yes we do. We’re very much looking forward to it. In fact, what I particularly like about Glastonbury compared to some of the other festivals around… first it’s in a beautiful part of the UK, and secondly, its whole ethic, I know they don’t pay bands as much as other places…actually we were very generously paid by our standards, but the discrepancy between an unsigned band and a more developed artist is less than other festivals, and I basically think their heart is in the right place. Hopefully it’s the first appearance of many and we’ll gradually make our way up the stage size over the next couple years. Would be great to play the Pyramid stage in a few years- that’s our goal I guess. We’ll be recording some new material in the summer and playing some other festivals and generally searching for that perfect song or… musical bliss- that ever-elusive perfect song! So the plan is definitely one of musical development, which will hopefully tie in with other successes.

MIKE: The summer should be full of opportunities, we are hoping to play the Nottingham University Summer Party, a range of charity gigs as well as an industry showcase in both Dundee and London. We are yet to hear back from most of the other festivals we applied to, but we are hoping to have a very busy summer.

DEAN: Glasto Yes ! And we’re very much looking forward to it. We’re still finalising our summer plans, but they should involve loads more gigs and some recording as well. 2008, or maybe 2009, could be the year of The Franks!

VP: What have been your highlights of being together as a band thus far?

JAMIE: Highlights….um…I think the moment in a rehearsal where a song sort of comes together… it seems as though it’s magic, obviously not, but everybody knows what the song should be, how the song should be. And I think those moments are too rare, and I think the aim of a great band is to be consistent with them, and to try to replicate those moments as often as possible. They’re why I’m in a band. I think if any artist were honest, I think capturing those moments as often as possible is a hard thing to do. Like a great football player. And being recognized for things like the Glastonbury competition is just well not validation in a sense but you know a small sign that other people see what we see and hopefully feel what we feel.

MIKE: Without doubt moments in rehearsal: when a song is played and flies for the first time. Having prepared the parts, we bring it to the live rehearsal space, often unsure quite how it’s going to sound. And there have been numerous times where it just exceeds our expectations; we all break into smiles and realise we’re onto something very special indeed. It’s an indescribable feeling – just sheer adrenaline and excitement. I would also have to mention the conception of ‘Pride or Passion’. We entered the rehearsal space in order to rehearse the set we had planned. However, Jamie played a few chords…and then somehow, Dean, the drums and myself all came in spontaneously at the same time and played a song, that didn’t exist prior, straight through. It was the most surreal moment of my life – I guess it was just a time when we were so completely on the same wave length that we were able to create the song as it was in fact happening, if that makes any sense. It is now an irreplaceable song which we use to open our live sets. You can hear it at www.thefranksuk.com.

DEAN: It’s probably hard to pinpoint specific moments, though of course receiving phone calls about Glastonbury and Radio 1 felt great! I’d have to say that it’s the little moments when someone comes up with an idea in a song and we all realise that it’s great that provide us with a real feeling of ‘ok, this is good!’.

VP: Which musical genre would you say was the one you all disagreed on the most?

JAMIE: I like folk music and other acoustic-based slow music…and mournful Scottish Highlands music… that the others don’t. But this doesn’t really affect our music. In our flat we tend to have Beethoven’s piano concertos playing constantly. But I think the thing of being in a band, a great band anyway, is finding that sort of negotiation between what everybody likes without necessarily trying to fit within a certain genre. I just like something that inspires me which has lyrics or a melody which bring out something within me, often a negative or painful emotion although we always find pleasure in painful emotion to an extent. So genre can sometimes be less divisive.

MIKE: This is a funny one. Well Jamie and Dean have the argumentative tendencies of a married couple (or at least they used to). I believe that Dean’s dislike of Jamie’s inclination to folk music is on perfect par with Jamie’s resentment of Dean’s fondness for American new-age punk like Simple Plan, Fall Out Boy etc. We all meet somewhere in the middle though and I’m sure it benefits the overall sound.

DEAN: …I suppose it’s just the current indie scene. Some of us hate it and some are influenced by others and end up equally disliking it! When you’re writing your own songs, sometimes it’s difficult to really appreciate other bands in the same genre as you, but it’s so important to keep an open mind since they’re obviously doing something right to be in that position!

VP: Tell us a joke.

JAMIE: (Laughs) Knock Knock.
[Who’s there?]
Umm. No actually not that one. Why did the chicken cross the road?
[why?]
I dunno either. Actually, I don’t think jokes are funny. I think people are funniest when they’re not trying to be funny… !

DEAN : How do you get a guitarist to play quieter?
Give him sheet music.

MIKE: Paul Terry (the ginger ‘James’ in the 90s Hollywood production of James and the Giant Peach) used to play bass for this band. No lie.

(stick to the music lads! )

Links

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Management: Kate White
katewhite8@gmail.com

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Double Trouble.. Hella Cholla Interview

“You’re the Kind Of Guy” By Hella Cholla

The male and the female? A harmonious blend of the ying and the yang, or polar opposites, from different planets, diametrically opposed in every way? Or is it all a myth in order to sell books about woman being from Venus and men being obsessed with Uranus? Are we really that dissimilar? Where do we differ? Or is the real truth that men are just annoying t*ts? Let’s look at the evidence. When I first co-habited I was shocked to find that upon putting my shirts into the laundry basket they had not magically transported themselves into my wardrobe, washed and freshly pressed a day or two later. This confused me, I panicked, “Arrrgh! What do I wear for work? I’ll have to take the day off and buy new ones!”… When I broached the subject…I was told in no uncertain terms, “I’m not your bloody slave, do your own washing and ironing!!” Was she serious?? How could I possibly do that? I had the next level of “Tomb Raider” to complete, and a rather pressing appointment with the couch from which I’d been looking forward to watching “The Great Escape “on TV again, I had memorised over 80% of the dialogue and intended to spend the afternoon committing the remaining 20% to memory. Alas I was unceremoniously frogmarched by my ear into the kitchen and after being formally introduced to something called “the washing machine” was given a reality check with regard to laundry and household tasks in general.

As I listened, sometimes in stunned silence I slowly began to understand. (”Alas how sad is wisdom when it brings no profit to the man that is wise”)…. The experience was almost as harrowing as finding Santa didn’t exist, and I was saddened that there appeared to be no magical laundry elves. Still reeling with shock I was then schooled in the mystical art of “Doing the Washing.” Despite having some teething problems such as my initial objections to separating the whites from the darks (”Isn’t this some sort of Wash Day Apartheid?”) or pondering weighty questions such as, “is pastel blue a light or a dark in washing terminology? What does one do with beige? And what the Rose Dougall is a “delicate cycle” I managed my first wash! - Ironing proved to be more fun then expected and allowed me to visually enhance my favourite joke “: Q- What goes ring ring - ARRRRRRRGH!!?...A: - “David Blunkett, answering his iron.” Regardless of such side splitting japery my heroic wrestling with a shirt and attempts at ironing the unruly item were dismissed as “painful to watch” We also drew the line at me carrying out complex cooking duties (eg/ Boiling an egg) as my partner said she would like to “have something edible for dinner and live to see Christmas.” In spite of my best efforts she still harbours deep, ill-judged suspicions that men intentionally carry out certain household tasks somewhat kak-handidly to avoid being asked to contribute again. I maintain that I do my best and that she’s just a bit of a fuss-pot, I mean, so what if I don’t vacuum under the couch, who’s to know.? She did say “I’ll know” - my response? “Well I won’t tell if you won’t.” I could also never understand the anguished shriek of “Whose left butter on the butter knife!!” I mean if she’d have discovered engine oil on it, or a small talking tree frog called Horstz I could see the problem. Then she explained the source of irritation (me), which was, maybe I could think about washing it after I’d used it …Ohhhhhh! (*Light bulb appears above head*) I now of course often think about it. But notwithstanding these differences, there have always been men and woman, boys and girls, lads and lasses who want to spend time together, go for a walk, possibly do a spot of courting or maybe have a bite to eat. Often those who have food allergies do not seek pleasure in the gastronomic experience, instead they simply “sing” Many great musical duos careers have been forged on the anvil of the food intolerance. There’s been Peters And Lee, (allergic to carrots) The Carpenters, (allergic to eating) Peaches And Herb, (amusingly named after their allergies) Renée And Renato( Roll mop herrings) The Eurhythmics, (Haggis, smoked meats and Spit Roasted Midge Ure) More recently we have had The White Stripes,( Paul Newman’s Cajun Marinade Sauce) and The Ting-Tings (Scouse/Hotpot). It appears to work rather well though, yes there maybe rows on the tour bus about tidiness and towels but it is a price worth paying surely. One such duo that had been brought to our attention is “Hella Cholla”, a talented musical duo consisting of Hannah (21) who is a singer/songwriter with a love of storytelling and anecdotal lyrics, and Will (22) an intelligent songwriter and guitarist with big hair who has apparently, an “aversion to simple rhymes”. Their brand of fast paced pop was right up our street and made us dance about with glee whilst doing the dishes badly, dropping wet towels on the floor and singularly failing to vacuum behind the couch.

VP: Where did you meet and what’s the name all about?

HC: We met at 6th form college in Cambridge. Hannah sang on a cover of ‘Destiny’ by Zero 7 for Will. The musical relationship that bloomed was something quite beautiful.Will met Jon, the percussionist, at music college in Leeds and various other people have been drafted in from various other places but they are too many to list. ‘Hella Cholla’ means ‘hell of a small-time gangster’. It can also be used as an adjective - ‘That mexican hotdog stand is Hella Cholla’.

VP: How would you describe your music ?

HC: Flamenco Indie pop with soulful vocals and percussion.

VP: What have you released so far and what are your plans in the coming months ?

HC: Our debut, ‘You’re The Kind of Guy’ was released on Jan 28th on download (iTunes etc) on Killer Disc Records. We will have another one out in the summer!

VP: Whats been the most exciting thing you’ve done since being in a band (apart form this interview)?

HC: Annie Mac chose us to feature on an online advent calendar at Christmas. Playing at the Cockpit in Leeds and the Water Rats in Kings cross with some wicked bands. And we got played on BBC radio just the other day!

VP: Who do you both admire musically ?

Will: Rodrigo y Gabriela, Slow Club, Timbaland, Bowie loads but my mind has gone blank

Hannah: Nina Simone, Edith Piaf, Bjork, Imogen Heap, Daft Punk, Justice.

VP: Is there such a thing these days as “good TV?”

HC: If we’re talking in terms of health, then no. Watching TV is much like eating a filthy donner kebab, but for your brain and eyes. Every so often there will be a good program - like a well-cooked premium kebab with fresh salad - but this is rare. Nostalgia also tells us that TV used to be good. It’s not really true. It’s always been bad for you. Will really loves Chuck and Doctor Who though, the massive geek. Hannah likes a healthy balance of Blackadder, Have I Got NewsFor You, Sex and the City and Top Gear. We don’t practice what we preach.

VP: Do you Myspace or facebook and why ?

HC: We’re slags for both. Especially with that new Facebook instant messaging thing? Its like MSN rolled in as well. An amazing way to waste a day of work.

VP: What’was your last musical purchase ?

HC: Will bought Timbaland - Shock Value and Hannah bought the new Hot Chip album.

VP: Facial hair , should it be legalised ?

HC: We would say it should be legalised. However, only on men and only above the point where the face meets the neck. Not below. I won’t get drawn into any debate about any other kind of beard. A beard without a moustache is wrong. A moustache on its own is acceptable in some circles. Mostly cowboys. Sucking a moustache is morally reprehensible. If seen, this activity can be scarring for women and children.

VP: What are the five most pointless things in the world ?

Will: 1) QVC, 2) Most of the products on QVC, 3) Toenail growth 4) Whingeing 5) Earwigs, bloody earwigs. Smelly little buggers and they can give you a right nasty nip.

Hannah’s Online Poker Fake plants and flowers Ugly architecture Awkward small talk Tattoos, such as chinese symbols, that the owner doesn’t understand

Links On Myspace

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Videos

“Apostrophe ” By Hella Cholla

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THE VPME REVIEW MARCH/APRIL 08

Righty Oh, its review time, and again, we have tempted some fine musicians into the murky world of The VPME. The glitterati of popular music agreed to take time out from partying hard with celeb types like Jane McDonald and Colleen Nolan and meet up at Von Pip Towers. Sadly we were out at Tescos at the time… so you`ll have to make do with this lot.

The Panel

ANASTACIA- Keyboard player with VPME chums, Screaming Ballerinas . She is officially our favourite keyboard player called Anastacia, and living proof that not all musicians who play a keyboard have to look as unattractive as that bewigged gnome man, Elton John.

ALASTAIR DOUGALL- A fine musician from the Brighton acoustic/singer songwriter scene. A man with impeccable taste (aside from supporting Spurs.) He knows a thing or two about music, in fact his two young ‘uns have been heavily involved in the music scene . Daughter Rose was a Pipette and is now embarking on a solo career, which is very exciting and son Tom is a guitarist with Joe Lean and The Jing Jang Jong. (Their new single “Where Do You Go ” is brilliant, now we get them!!! ) The Dougall musical dynasty is one to watch out for, imagine the Partridge family if you will, devoid of flares, feather cuts and annoying smart alec American back chat but with a great passion for Sandy Denny- That’s Clan Dougall for you.

DOGWOOD- Cantankerous presenter of Cheambeat Communications Radio’s late night show on Music Hall Memoires. When he’s not reprimanding young “hoodies” as they pelt him with raw vegetables and empty cans of Red Bull, he can be found studying the fine arts. He has developed a penchant for producing nude pictures of American ladies named after shoe polish. (All photos welcome)

MATT GEARY - Yet another Brighton musician, his band The Lieutenants Mistress play tuneful guitar driven indie, with a nod to Brit Pop, when it was good. Such is Matt’s wisdom that what he doesn’t know about life, can be disregarded as unimportant and possibly frivolous.

BLUE PETER- No,not Olympic torch brawler Konnie Huq’s former show, but Blue Peter ,from the excellent And What Will Be Left Of Them. He also runs The Little Hell Fire Club record label. He can often be found hanging out in China White or Spearmint Rhino, throwing peanuts at Joe Public, with his new best mates Richard Madley and Jeremy Paxman, an unlikely trio I’ll grant you.

RICH AND NICOLA -2/3rds of Sheffield’s finest band Slow Down Tallahasse. Nicola didn’t manage to review all the songs as she says she had some housework to finish (*Von Pip ducks for cover*). Their debut album “The Beautiful Light” is out on the 26th May 2008, and you can download their next single also called “The Beautiful Light” for FREE from Thee SPC on on 12th May. And it’s not often you get ‘owt free from Yorkshire folk

VON PIP- Soft strong and very long, a bit like Andrex, but less useful.

On with the tunes

The Long Blondes “Century”

NICOLA: “I LOVE the Long Blondes. I love their myth making and their sense of musical heritage. It’s very zeitgeisty is “Century”. If I died in a nuclear explosion I’d almost definitely like this to be the soundtrack.

ANASTACIA : Never fail to write really sexy, edgy music. ‘Century’s’ no exception.

ALASTAIR: Begins with an ethereal folksy feel that develops into a Human Leaguey synthipop sound. At times the song has the quirky charm of an early 80s Rough Trade track, at other times the band seem to want to go for something more serious and doomy. This is an ambitious effort with a number of different sections, which keeps up interest without quite delivering at any point. If it was a football match it would be an intriguing 0-0, with a few chances missed and a decent penalty claim for the home side turned down in the last minute…. Lyrically, it’s a bit hard to figure out what’s it’s all about — presumably something vaguely serious and zeitgeisty! Sounds like a decent album track rather than a single.

MATT: I really like the Long Blondes; they’ve got some great tunes and make punky art-rock sound as sexy and dangerous as it should be. I’ve heard a couple of the other tracks on “Couples” and they’re really good. I think that’s why I was so disappointed to hear that “Century was the first single. Its got a decent enough electro riff but it all gets a bit repetitive before going to a section that sounds like Pacman taking a power pill to a backing track of stabbing guitars and vocals that don’t really go anywhere. The production is good though - and it may just be me - but I must confess that this time I’m just not sold. On the plus side, it is free to download if you sign up to their mailing list.

VP: Phew! Right then, maybe I have a mental block with anything in the world of entertainment that have the initials LB. Little Britain, Lionel Blair, Lucille Ball ,Lloyd Bridges, Lorraine Bracco, Long Blondes, (well ok, not Lorraine Bracco, I like her ) I ‘ve never quite understood the reverence in which the Long Blondes music is held. ( Uncle VP’s Pop Fact No 89: Michael Stipe wrote “It’s The End Of The World As We Know It” after dreaming he was at a party populated by people whose initials were L.B.-True!) People react with slack jawed incredulity, “WHAT! You don’t find Little Britain funny” (Nope, I find it juvenile and unfunny) You don’t adore The Long Blondes? Are you insane! (possibly) I don’t hate them, I’ve just never been 100% convinced that they were all that or they were the band for me. I really liked “Giddy Stratospheres” but after that I’m struggling to find another song that twists my melon. I found their debut album a huge let down really. To many, the Long Blondes music is sacrosanct and to criticise it verges on heresy. Problem I’ve had with The Long Blondes is I’ve always found a coldness within their sound, a hip haughtiness that’s just never really engaged me. Couple that with rather arsey “aren’t we clever” lyrics, and it’s not a match made in heaven. I mean I always thought they were alright, but that was about it, I have them filed away in my head just next to the Foo Fighters, solid, and professional, a bit like Ronseal, does exactly what it says on the tin, but they didn’t make my heart skip a beat. Saying all that I almost started to like this, well, up to a point and then I listened to the lyrics, and it seemed to me that whilst Edward Lear or Doctor Seuss might understand this po-faced pretentious claptrap, normal folk would find it utter bollocks -”Nothing is scared…from the can-can dance to the golden age” (eh?) “Everything I touch, lightning trails of human lust” What!!! Like, if she touched a teapot? Or a lamppost? Russell T Davies and his celebrity chums would have a high old time down at the BBC Special Effects Workshop with story lines like that. After Kylie’s inert performance in the Doctor Who Xmas show he could always bring her back to play the lustful lamppost. I don’t understand what Kate’s droning on about, other than she appears to be trying to conjure up some sort of futuristic bleakness, possibly some sort of post Armageddon scenario? Quite how the can-can dance fits into the scheme of things is beyond me. That wouldn’t really be on my list of priorities if the bomb had just dropped, clean Y-fronts yes, but not French ladies erotic bloomers. It sounds like a slight departure from their normal sound, like somebody’s bought them a couple of Human League/ Cabaret Voltaire albums . Oh and Hooky’s been hanging around the studio, pestering people for session work with somebody, anybody, such is the fear that his musical legacy will be whispered in the same breath as Rick and Bruces. So when people insisted that “Century” is nowhere near the best track on the album I approached “Couples” with much hope and enthusiasm, really wanting and expecting to like it . Alas I have been cruelly deceived yet again, the album is on the whole, with a couple of exceptions, a joyless, tuneless, cacophonous, racket, devoid of any humour warmth or wisdom. I kept thinking of Mr Blackwell’s song “Look Dad No Tunes” as I became increasingly irritated listening to the bleeps, shrieks and general tedium. If Shed Seven had been a female fronted band and experimented with a Casio SA75, whilst skimming the works of Milan Kundera and Friedrich Nietzsche I imagine they may well of produced an album similar to this pompous, doom laden, self important guff. It’s about as subversive as Phil Collins polishing his innumerable Brit Awards, eating a malted milk biscuit whilst gently chuckling along to an episode of “My Family.“…on a Sunday….after choir practice…with his dressing gown on… It’s about as sexy as Dawn French lolling about gorging on pastries in a crumb covered velour tracksuit watching “Loose Women” with subtitles…at times it sounds like Joan Jett attempting to impersonate Siouxsie Sioux, whilst a second rate Fall tribute band clatter about in the background. Maybe I should catch them live as that’s where people say they really prove the doubters wrong. Then again maybe I just can’t be arsed, not when I’ve something interesting to do like creosote the fence or strive to lick my elbow. The singles Ok, the albums cock. I prefer The Millipedes . 6/10

PETER: - On paper I should love this new single but in reality it just leaves me feel a bit cold. Maybe that’s the point… It certainly is ice-cool. I feel bad to say it but it doesn’t really draw me in… I really love this band too. Perhaps a few more listens…

DOGWOOD: I bunged this on and thought that the damn link was flaky as I was positive that I had been sent to an unknown Lush track from c.1991. Now I am great admirer of Ms Berenyi and co but when I discovered that this was not them and actually WAS the Long Blondes I felt slightly cheated. This sort of thing passes for advent-garde in Burnley and somewhere there, there is a 44-year-old new romantic doing a Midge Ure dance to all this, dressed in bacofoil and a tricorne hat. Once you get over the initial shock that it isn’t Lush, the track meanders off in no particular direction unless you consider ‘constant drone’ an acceptable destination. I suspect the Long Blondes are not actually blonde at all but are actually brunette art students having a good laugh at life. Nowt wrong with that, just don’t confuse us with the Lush soundalikes please. Some of us have treasured memories thank you very much. Dogwood misled and slightly affronted at being so.

RICH: I really like this band. This song is really cool. It kind of reminds me of Gary Numan for some reason. Her voice is one of the best in pop at the moment. 10/10.

Caesers- Boo Hoo Goo Goo

PETER :- I reckon our bass player Joe would love this. He’s a sucker for bubble-gum pop. And so am I actually. All in all a big thumbs up for the Caesars then. Even if it does make me feel a bit dirty to say it.

NICOLA: Hmm. Powerpop indeed. People who like the soundtrack to ‘Friends’ would really like this, I think.

DOGWOOD: If there’s one thing that’s likely to get my goat it’s a bunch of Scandinavians calling themselves something neo-classical. Caesar was a mighty historical figure but I doubt whether he would have played this on the equivalent of an i-walkpod back in Ancient Rome. In fact, it would have probably enraged him to the point of wanting to extend the empires borders to those lands in the north where irritating trite like this descends from and crush all life-forms. This doesn’t want to make me crush all life-forms but it leaves me nonplussed and longing to turn over to the Jordan and Peter half hour. That’s the trouble with gadabout pop stars; they think they can get away with anything in the holy trinity of ‘art’, ‘creativity’ and ‘drug fuelled mayhem’. Well let me tell you lads, there’s another holy trinity - Dogwood’s holy trinity - ‘tutting disapprovingly is good’, ‘common sense’ and ‘never trust anyone who doesn’t boil their greens for less than the regulation 27 minutes’ will get you far further in life. Oh, and if there’s another thing that’s going to get my goat even further it’s adults using baby words like ‘Boo’ and ‘Goo’ in the same sentence and this lot manage it twice. Dogwood annoyed and now starting to contemplate crushing all life-forms.

VP: Well When you lumber a song with a title that you’d half expect to be in somebody like Christopher Lillicrap’s repertoire’(best name ever for a kids TV presenter) you better make sure it’s a bloody good song. Thankfully what Caesars lack in the sane song title department they more than make up for in the song itself, which is GREAT! It’s got a driving beat, fuzzy guitar work and some undulating jabby/stabby keyboard action going on which combine to produce a rather pleasing pop song. The Album “Strawberry Weed” is pretty darn good too, it won’t change the world but it’s a double CD full of pop hooks, surprises, and quirky psychedelic fun, a bunch of songs which are so eclectic that if you find it boring and don’t tap your toes your either have no pulse or are Sir Douglas Bader or Fred Titmus (who both are lacking in pulse and indeed toes,hmmm I didnt think that one through!)(8.5/10)

ALASTAIR: ‘Hi everybody, we’re the Caesars, and this is our new single it’s called, um, Boo Boo Goo Goo!’ Well, let’s just hope the crowd’s in a friendly mood! Babytalk title aside, this is a fun if totally unmemorable slice of 60s garagey pop, with a hook ['There you go again....'] that owes a pint to ‘What Goes On’ by the Velvet Underground. Nice bit of fuzzy guitar at the end.

ANASTACIA: Middle of the road feel good music that didn’t leave me feeling that great

RICH: It sounds like one of those upbeat Indie rock songs that accompany montages on “Even Stevens” or “Sabrina The Teenage Witch.” Which probably describes some of our songs as well, so this is not a criticism. Honest.

MATT: Any band that start a song with a sample of a Texas “Speak and Spell” have already won me over! I’d completely forgotten that Caesars were synth bashers who wrote “Jerk It Out” but only until the vocal started! Decent tune, that isn’t a million miles away from that track but more vitriolic. I’m not quite sure who they’re angry at but I’m guessing its negative reviews. Fortunately, I’m not going to join that club - it’s a fun track with a retro sound and a stupid title, and I like it!

The Feeling “Without You”

ALASTAIR: I was determined to like this, and after a minute or so, I was doing well, but then the vocal line started to go somewhere unwelcome and I felt obliged to slap it’s hand away sharpish.

VP: “Big massive fat sweaty horses bollocks” I‘m afraid, more often than not that’s what I involuntarily shout whence The Feeling are played via the medium of radio. This of course can be a little embarrassing if I’m at the deli counter in Tescos “Would sir like some olives with those?” “The Feeling?” Is their name somehow ironic? Their songs seem devoid of any feeling at all. Sometimes when you only get a snippet on myspace of a song I think “tight b*astards”, in this case it’s a blessing, almost an act of mercy “la la blah blah la la blah lal alala, (ad lib to infinity) “What’s The Time In London?” I don’t know lads and frankly I don’t care , what I do know is I’d rather listen to the Speaking Clock than you lot. In fact Stephen Hawking reading Kerry Katona’s latest can of tripe is a more emotionally charged journey than listening to this chaps weedy, puling little voice. Zzzzz. This is the sound of a 10cc tribute band that got lucky; it can’t last forever, can it? I mean come on, who buys their records? Physics students? Social Workers? The deaf? But despite what I said at the beginning, the truth is they don’t really induce feelings of anger or dislike within me, just apathy and indifference which is somehow worse…2/10

ANASTACIA: ‘I Thought It Was Over’ was a secret guilty pleasure of mine- harmless, fun pop song. The Feeling really shouldn’t try and write ballad like songs, ‘Without You’ demonstrates why. Useless lyrics as well.

DOGWOOD: The Feeling? Sadly listening to this I am devoid of any unless it’s that feeling of nausea and rage that being exposed to this trite self-satisfied tripe provokes in me. Where do these pop stars get their ideas these days? Christmas Crackers? The competition rules off a box of cornflakes? Actually I’d go for the instructions from an Airfix Kit - gluing bits of plastic together and then painting them makes infinitely more sense than this. I cannot express the utter fury that I am feeling right now - it’s as if Crowded House, Trevor Horn, The Hoosiers and Adele have walked in the room and asked me where the nearest wine bar was because they want to par-tay and look ‘zany’ in their Buggles specs and leather ties. Dogwood does not do guilty pleasure pop, pompadours nor wine bars and definitely not The Feeling. The Feeling just make me want to berate someone - anyone - at loud volume.

MATT: A lot of people these days are very critical of bands like The Feeling. They seem to resent the fact that a group of chaps who play chirpy pop music can find a home betwixt Cliff Richard and Leona Lewis on the Radio 2 play lists and also be mentioned in the same breath as what some people would call “serious” bands…. and so they bloody well should!!! The Feeling are exactly what I imagine an ‘Indie’ band fronted by John Barrowman would be like. Everything looks right, there is obviously a degree of capability but the camembert-laden output undoes every first impression and inspires loathing in those who placed blind faith in a promising proposition. I half expect Mr Gillespie-Sells to pop up as a guest judge on the next presently endless stream of fame auction programmes! However, I’m not here to speak ill of the band- they do what they do and I’m sure that they are probably really lovely people. Instead I’m here to comment on the track. This is fortunate, as it allows me the opportunity to excrete further fervent bile in their direction, safe in the knowledge that any borderline-harsh comments will be met with agreement at the first listen! The Feeling released their “difficult” second album earlier this year and it appears that, to celebrate the success of the first, their record label bought them a rhyming dictionary. The track hinges around a question of ‘What the time is in London?’ before cleverly turning it into a question about ‘what the time is in London - without you’. Who’d have thought it? A song that begins on a theme of missing someWHERE can be changed into a song about missing someONE just by adding two words!!! They obviously find this incredibly clever too as the theme is repeated in every verse before changing to comment on how bad the weather is in North Virginia - just like London!!! Pap from start to finish and I can only take solace from the fact that it has yet to hit the radio and is thus, at present, avoidable.

PETER: No thank you.

RICH: There is so much Feeling in this track! It is a gift of love to mankind. Thank you The Feeling. I am crying as I write these words.

The Last Shadow Puppets- The Age Of The Understatement

ANASTACIA: Great track. Brilliant production, which sounds almost Muse like. It’s a massive sound, can’t wait to hear what else they’ve written.

DOGWOOD: This took me back to an age of monochrome TV sets when I were a lad. Ours had a cabinet that took up a third of the room with a 6″ screen. Sitting there in my grey shorts, grey shirt and sleeveless jumper eating crumpets anticipating the opening credits to ‘Champion The Wonder Horse’, this is where this tune takes me. I actually love this enough to make it my tune of the day and I am fairly galloping in my seat as I listen to it. There hasn’t been a decent take on a wild west theme since Kirk Brandon sang ‘Do You Believe In The Westworld?’ and do you know what? I did. I’d like to put this into the inbox of Caesars with a post-it that reads: “Do yourself a favour, do a cover of ‘Ghost Riders In The Sky’ instead of that gaga-googoo nonsense, it’s all the rage in the more enlightened Cowboy tribute clubs in the Greater Manchester area”. We’ll all be cowboys this time next month and thank Christ for that - I’m fed up with this current trend of trying to save the rain forest and all that. Let’s have more songs like this and less by the likes of Sting, Arnie Lennox and Bonio thank you very much -self-righteous cretins that they are. Dogwood on his high horse and enjoying the view.

PETER: I am pleased to report that this link didn’t work. Next?

VP: F**CKING BRILLIANT ! A Sheffield /Wirral collaboration and by the eck this is grand, like! Some sort of mad 1960s/ Walker Brothers do a spaghetti western fusion type scenario! I best not call Alex Turner a genius because he’s already stated “Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not” in no uncertain terms. He may look like the Artful Dodger but he’s certainly a talented young chap who loves his music, pudding bowl haircuts and the works of George Formby. With The Last Shadow Puppets he has forged an intriguing partnership with Miles Kane of excellent Wirral based band The Rascals. The album is bloody fantastic too, all James Bond meets Jason King, makes me want to wear a polar neck and lemon hued flares whilst playfully smacking bikini clad
ladies bottoms as I order a Campari and soda at the pool side bar (is that wrong?) 9.5/10

NICOLA: Is he singing about ’sweaty little tragedies’? This is ok… it’s just playlist fodder really, isn’t it?

MATT: If you’re going to have a side project then do it properly. Alex Turner has written a fantastic first album, a passable, progressive second and is going out with Alexa Chung. I really should hate him, I don’t really think that I can, and whist it would be easy hate this I’m not really sure that I can do that either. It’s collaboration but the headlines were never going to come from Miles Kane’s input - which is sad, as I think that he probably played a large part in it all. I like the vocals and, although the guitar work owes a debt to Bonanza, the grandness of the production puts the track into a slightly different place than either parent band. Any project Alex Turner was involved in was always going to draw comparisons but if this track boosts the profile of The Rascals and gives Mr. Turner another creative outpouring then that’s good enough for me. In my opinion it’s a track, which is just interesting and just different enough to stand on its own just. For that at least, they deserve to be applauded.

RICH: We live in Sheffield so it would be unwise to say anything negative about this track. If I said it was dull the BBC would come round to our house and tune us in. If I said it was pointless the OCS would poo through our letterbox. Prostitutes would stop giving me free ones. This is a wonderful, wonderful song.

ALASTAIR: Not a great title — I wouldn’t fancy asking for this in a record store — thank goodness for downloading, eh? This isn’t like the Arctic Monkeys at all, unfortunately, despite Alex Turner being involved in it. I think this is supposed to be a comment on the ‘Cold War’ between the sexes–the vid has the boys posing by some Russian tanks, and the backup vocals have a kind of Volga boatmen vibe. It’s all a bit pompous, and dreary, like ‘Ra Ra Rasputin‘ without the laughs.

Nick Cave - Dig Lazarus Dig

MATT: At first listen, I really didn’t get it. I didn’t really get “Grinderman” either but grew to love it. And now inevitably I’m really starting to like this. I think it’s fair to say that this is the most commercial Nick Cave track that I’ve heard and I don’t think that it’s necessarily a bad thing either. He still has the inflections of a southern preacher, he still has the morbid themes but this time there are jovial backing vocals and it feels as though Mr Cave is actually having fun. Strangely I kept thinking that the whole thing reminded me of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

DOGWOOD: One of the least favoured chores of life is to go down the local scrap metal dealers to try and barter for a replacement rear passenger side fin for my Ford Anglia. As I enter the arena of stacked metal, vicious chained dogs and vest wearing real life Ross Kemp types, I feel a distinct unease. When I heard this song it was as if said be-vested Ross Kemp types had formed a band and were taunting me even further as they battered and clashed their way around the scrap yard hitting random bits of wrecked car and hallooring like mad South London savages. This Cave fellow looks as if he’s just stepped out of Tombstone and wants to set about my kneecaps with a medieval mace and then blow dry my hair with an oxy-acetylene blowtorch. I didn’t stick around to find out whether that would be the case or not. Dogwood distinctly ruffled and uneasy.

VP: I don’t approve of big thick ‘taches, a pencil thin one is fine and gives you a caddish rakish quality; apparently it tickles in a pleasing manner too. A big thick one however, can attract the wrong sort of admiration and lead to associations with San Francisco and Freddie Mercury, as well as making it impossible for you to wear a white vest or a leather jacket. Live and let live I just don’t like breaking hearts, having to tell traffic cops, red Injun’s and construction workers that I don’t butter my crumpets that way, it makes me feel like a rotter! I would also submit that another draw back of the “huge ‘tache conundrum” is the social embarrassment derived from suddenly finding a king prawn the size of a young dolphin hidden in your mammoth walrus whiskers from the previous nights curry. Now a pencil thin ‘tache will of course, attract tremulous excitement ,coquettish, admiring glances and “come hither” eyes from lasses young and old, that’s a given, but sadly having a jungle on your top lip will only ensure that females will always harbour an uneasy suspicion that if you didn’t play for Liverpool FC in the 1980’s then you must, at the very least have appeared in pornography,(possibly both) but I suppose there’s room in the world for all manner of facial hair, unless of course you happen to be opinionated Scottish windbag Muriel Gray that is. Dour, putty faced Gray is a true disciple of “tache fascism ” she thinks men with facial hair and ‘taches should just write “dickhead” on their forehead, but the day I take fashion tips off somebody who looks like the mutant banjo player in “Deliverance” is the day I give up on life.

Mr.Caves ‘tache is so thick it’s probably home to all manner of interesting wildlife and possibly has it’s own Eco system, there were reports that at a recent gig,mid song ,a nesting heron suddenly flew from the realms of Caves substantial “lip shrubbery” giving him quite a start! But we’ll forgive him, if he keeps delivering such grandiosely entertaining theatrics as this. It reminded me of a grumpy Talking Heads on first play. I saw Mr Cave years ago when I was a just an egg, a couple of years after “Tender Pray” and “The Mercy Seat” (I’d actually been conned as I thought I was going to see Ultra Vivid Scene who did a fantastic track also called “The Mercy Seat” It wasn’t a good experience, this was more than likely due to my fellow gig goer, an unprincipled young strumpet, who, not satisfied with fibbing to get me to attend the gig ,then proceeded to get steadily drunker, which rapidly progressed to becoming scarily over amorous and then, for the finale managed to do a hot sicky cider infused burp into my mouth -Yuck! Marriage was never really on the cards after that episode. If this was her idea of impressing me on a first date I dreaded to think what she’d get up to by the third or forth. But I’ll not name her, she knows who she is, don’t you Emma It did, I admit put me off the Dark Lord for some time, bad associations you see, and every time I heard “Deanna” it was as if I could almost taste that hot, acidic, sickly regurgitation again. However time is a great healer and now I’ve moved back to dark side, the album is incredible, and this is nowhere near the best track. Anybody who can produce an album containing lyrics such as “Here comes Alina with two black eyes, she’s given herself a transfusion/ She’s filled herself with panda blood to avoid all the confusion” is a ruddy genius in my book 7.5/10

ALASTAIR: Sardonic tale of ‘Larry’ Lazarus brought back from the dead, becoming an unwilling star before sliding into drug hell and returning whence he came. No doubt with some relief! Actually this is a great hunky bit of driving blues-rock with Cave shouting and snarling out the words with gay abandon! The Bad Seeds chant ‘Dig Lazarus Dig’ like the Village People people a-workin’ on the chain gang! Mucho macho!
I wonder if that was the intention.

ANASTACIA: Pretty repetitive song, if you could call it a song- more like talking over a not very exciting synth part.

PETER: That. Was. F**king. BRILLIANT. I wish I’d written that. I suspect I will have to make do with my usual trick of ripping it off.

RICH: I love Nick Cave. Boatman’s Call is one of my favourite albums of all time. This is very wordy even by his standards. Long ago, when I was a homeless boy selling the Big Issue on the cruel streets of Brighton, Nick spotted me and pulled a (crisp, spunk-stained)£50 note from his jogging shorts (satin - pink)and told me to get a fucking job. Apparently, he does it all the time now; but I like to think I was the first.

We Are Scientists - After Hours

VP: A real grower, wasn’t sure at first, but, after repeated listens it burrows into your head and refuses to leave, even when asked politely by the mutton chopped ruddy faced landlord. I love the insistent guitar that illuminates the background, it puts me in mind of a velvety sky filled with amphetamine fueled fire flies spaz dancing on a balmy night in July,.. erm..or something. This sounds like a traditional W.A.S track , as do most tracks on the album, but there two real surprises. “Lethal Enforcer” could be Fiction Factory’s follow up to “Feels Like Heaven”. Whilst their touching tribute to the abacus “That’s What Counts” would not seem out of place on Prefabs Sprout’s classic “Steve McQueen” album. This tracks a 7/10

ANASTACIA: Always been a fan of them, but found this track a bit boring. The track felt like it wanted to go into a big chorus but never does.

RICH: They are very popular and get lots of radio play. So, apart from their songs, I wish we were them. Scientists, that is.

DOGWOOD: With a name like that I’d thought this lot would be a load of knob twiddling boffins getting all excited about Dr Who incidental music from the 1970’s. Instead, whilst they have glasses - the prerequisite of any scientist - they sound like they want to leave the lab behind and gatecrash the Sports Jock’s party and grab some of the cheerleader action. Unfortunately for them it’s a thin disguise and any self-respecting Jock would not let this bunch of geeks anywhere near the hooch or Bethany the Prom Queen with this weedy nonsense. It’s all a bit like wearing a corduroy suit this song, inoffensive until you actually leave the house and start mixing with other human beings. This song happens and that’s as descriptive or excited I can get on this one. Dogwood has forgotten the tune already.

PETER: - I always hate W.A.S stuff when I first hear it and then a couple of months later I know every word and proclaim them to be ace songs. So I’ll stick to my guns and say I hated it. But I suspect I’ll love it in the end.

ALASTAIR: You can dance to this, which is something. And it’s got a nice bit of tune. And it’s got ‘chiming’ guitars. It’s breezy, undeniably pleasant and well groomed. It curls up in you lap and wants to be stroked. Do you want to stroke it? That’s up to you!
Actually I’d really like to hear this sung ‘pub style’ by Vic Reeves!

MATT: We’ve all been there, kicking out time and desperate for a final pint. I for one was in the same situation after playing a gig in London and the only place that seemed able to serve our thirst was a bar in Soho called Trannyshack. Now, usually I have no problem flouting a dress code but this time our attire was SO far away from what was expected that we decided to press on. That may not be the underlying message of the song but that’s what it reminds me of and that’s what matters to me (at least). I don’t have any particular feelings about this song but I’ve jumped around enthusiastically in the dark at grotty clubs and woken up in a snakebite stained shirt to this track for a few months now and so, although I don’t think it’s dramatically different or creative, I guess it can’t be a too bad

The Video

Mystery Jets and Laura Marling - “Young Love”

DOGWOOD: Back in the 1980’s child psychologists surmised that combining bright colours, shapes and light, lilting reggae was the perfect way to stimulate the minds of pre-schoolers and thus ‘Playbus’ and ‘Pigeon Street’ were born. My first impression was this lot were working from the same theoretical text and the whole construct of this video was designed to stimulate the minds of simpletons. After all, who would want to watch a bunch of gadabout popstars being pushed around on a load of whitewashed car jacks to provide some illusion of standing up whilst being horizontal other than a bunch of remedial kidults? However, repeated viewing has softened my opinion and I have experienced the kind of Xanadu that five year olds discover when watching the antics of Tinky Winky, Dipsy, La la and Po. There is a strange comfort to the gentle bobbing up and down and I find it mildly therapeutic. Of course, my interest did soar on the arrival of Laura Marling - like a blond Dirvla Kirwen but with the voice of a very pleasant young female. My initial disdain dispersed I give this a cautious nod of approval. Mysterious Jets you may be but you’d make a fortune on Ceebee Ceebees

ALASTAIR: ‘Getting its act on!’ ‘The real Tabasco!’ These and suchlike comments of approval rang out all around as this Beatley tune twinkled round the room. On a serious note [!] of all the songs above, this is the only one with an engaging lyric –’You wrote my number on the back of your hand/And it came off in the rain’...Rather sweet. The Nick Cave track had great words, not lyrics]. Laura Marling turns up halfway in, which is no bad thing. This track is ‘getting it’s act on….it’s of the moment…in short, it’s a hit!

VP: Yes,Yes, Yes! I like this a lot , even if it does sound a bit like Gilbert O’Sullivan and Kiki Dee on “E”, (which to be honest I would have paid to see) Has a bit of 60’s vibe going, it’s a great pop song even if the story is a bit daft. All that fuss over a one night stand, Pfft. Get over it soft lad (and girl). Mind, I don’t believe him! He’s trying to assuage his guilt by pretending to be “sensitive” Here’s some advice me laddo, she’s far too good for you, if need be, clear the custard in private next time with Madame Palm and her five lovely sisters. Don’t involve a nice young lass in your beastly rutting; she’s obviously fallen for your caddish lies, shame on you! To the lass, look, you’re obviously far to good for him, find a nice chap, one whose a bit steady, with prospects in say, accounts or banking, not a fly by night musician who probably, to be blunt, has inflamed and grotesquely swollen testicles and a todger that’s more than likely acting as an impromptu venue for the latest Chlamydia Trachomatis gig. I digress, the videos really does work well, I assume they were going for a quirky fun promo, mission accomplished, as within seconds I was grinning like a man who’d clambered into bed with Thora Hird and woke up next to Natassija Kinski. They say simple ideas are definitely the best and I should know. Now this Laura Marling? She’s another one of these prodigies isn’t she? I decided to listen to her album “Alas I Cannot Swim” Good lord, she’s a true talent and no mistake, it’s a stunning album!
I’m also glad the video cleared up one of life’s great mysteries… “what Edward Scissorhands did next? “It transpires he procured some real hands, from a back street “hand maker”, learnt to play the guitar and joined The Mystery Jets. Bravo Edward. 9/10

PETER: - The video was so, so well done and amusing but I must say I was actually just distracted by the song. It was brilliant. Not what I expected from them at all. I’m still humming it now. It’s between Nick Cave and Mystery Jets now as to which is my favourite…

MATT: I must confess to being a bit of a soft touch for a decent music video. In the past, a certain band, have earned themselves more plays on the music box through their ability to do some clever things on treadmills than anything specific on the album. It’s the same for the Mystery Jets (who I’d previously ignored as a haircut too many) and Laura Marling both of whom I am looking forward to hearing more of! I wasn’t blown away by the tune but found myself bobbing along to it on Friday (which was also the first time that I had heard it separated from the video). The feet don’t lie so take it as two thumbs from me!

ANASTACIA: Brilliant pop song, how could you not like it? The video oozes charm. Love it.

RICH: Long ago when I was the bass player in The Feeling I wrote a song just like this. But they rejected it. Soon after, I became homeless. Reviewing these songs has been an emotional roller coaster.

VP; Blimey this is a close one , I reckon Mystery Jets and Laura Marling just Von Pip it ! Thanks to the panel of reviewers, and hey ! Let’s be careful out there !

“Riding High” The “Vote Show Pony” Interview

Dirty Words By Vote Showpony

There are many strange and mythical stories with regard to how, talented artistic folk begin their arduous journey in search of rock n roll Nirvana, or Pop Utopia. Many regale us with tales of chance meetings, the guiding hand of fate, Boo Radley type moments of clarity, an inner calling, or making a Faustian pact with Simon Cowell ( which as you know is something that really gets my Goethe ) and so on and so forth. Vote Showpony’s manifestation is indeed a little odd, the story unfolds as follows; a nice, polite young lady called Sorcha and her chums decided to hire a tour bus in order to attend a music festival. Nothing odd about that, you can have a drink, not worry about driving and you don’t have to spend the night sleeping in a muddy farmer’s field surrounded by people, who for the festival duration at least, have abandoned personal hygiene and social etiquette and snore like warthogs. Nor will you suffer the foul hellishness that is the dreaded festival toilet experience. Where things get a little odd is when the chums in question ask “We have a tour bus, therefore should we not have our own band name?” “Yes indeedy” replies Sorcha “We shall be called Show Pony and we shall neigh like wild horses when we say it” and so it came to pass and during the festival Sorcha and her pals would tell anybody who would listen, and many who wouldn’t, using the medium of fake Dutch accents, that they were members of a band called “Showpony”. …Alas after the festival Sorcha deemed her friends unworthy (more on this later) to be blessed with such a wondrous name and decreed that she must take on the mantle and became “Vote Showpony”.

With Vogue cover star/Audrey Hepburn looks and Kate Bush meets The Scissor Sisters theatrics, Vote Showpony has all the right elements in place to be huge. Her brand of glitzy, sexy, electro pop glam is something that has had the inhabitants of VP Towers tapping their toes with glee and songs such as “Dirty Words” had many needing an ice cold shower. A visit to Youtube to view Vote Showpony performing had grown men openly weeping with joy, and the news desk at the VPME suddenly resembled Sodom and Gomorrah as people danced, pranced and frolicked with carefree abandon to the Pony‘s flirtatious brand of pop…..Be warned this is the effect VSP can have on you unless you keep a very tight “reign” on yourself, it can change the way you see the world …. For my part, now when I listen to Father Ted Crilley joyfully singing about his lovely horse, it takes on a new poignancy, and I find myself wistfully sharing his sentiments

“My lovely horse running through the field,
Where are you going with your fetlocks blowing in the wind?
I want to shower you with sugar lumps….”
And I really do …..Ahem…

Vote Showpony has the style the talent and the looks to be quite rightly regarded as one of the hottest new acts in the country and it’s about time these daft A&R folk woke up to fresh exciting talent instead of playing it safe and signing dreary Indie by numbers bands or soulless, utilitarian, manufactured corporate pop. So with the bit between his teeth (un)stable boy Von Pip, fairly galloped off to meet up with Miss Vote Showpony to ask her about her peerless, perceptive, perky, pristine, perfect pony pop and “saddled” her with a “crop” of his usual brand of shrewd and insightful questions (delivered with the utmost modesty obviously)

VP: Who are Vote show Pony? Is it true you formed on a bus on the way to a festival?

VSP: I morphed into Vote Show Pony after a long weekend at a festival, but I also have an incredibly talented & very hot band made up of Blue May, Ray Djan , Jon Shone & Jodi Milliner. I co-write all my material with a couple of writers including my MD Blue but most of it has been co-written & produced by the very talented Death Metal Disco Scene. I love writing with him, as he is just as eccentric as I am. We met over a penchant for being called ridiculous names! Now back to the festival question. The first ever Bestival was where the first pony seed was planted. A bunch of my friends & I went to it & managed to score ourselves some cheap tickets so we had to pretend to be a band. I decided we should be a Dutch band called the “Show Ponies” & we would go around telling people that we were the “Show ponies & we like to rock”. We fell apart after various members of the band let our mascot St John (a helium balloon in the shape of a pony…. freaking genius!) fly off into the night. It was the last straw for me! They did not deserve the name Show Ponies after such sacrilege of our mascot. The ‘Vote” part of my name came about because I have a slight obsession with rosettes and the words “Vote Show Pony” look special when they are on a rosette. Rosettes are big in the equestrian world see!

VP: How would you describe your sound?

VSP: Ohhh gosh I always find this question tricky, only because I have so many influences I love. Maybe the result of a love triangle involving Blondie, LCD Soundsystem & Roxy Music. But above all else VSP sounds like fun!!

VP: What sort of music would you normally listen to when not being a Show Pony?

VSP: I’m an out of the closet pop fan, I love stuff that makes me smile, anything from LCD Soundsystem to Girls Aloud. Right now I can’t stop listening to the MGMT album, I almost cried the first time I heard “Electric feel” because I didn’t write it. I mean seriously, the lyrics “shock me like an electric eel”. AMAZINGGGGGG!!!

VP Dirty Words is a bit saucy, has this led to any odd myspace messages

VSP: It is a bit saucy isn’t it, hehe! Thankfully no I haven’t had any odd myspace messages. Maybe now that you have pointed it out I will. I shall keep you updated on that one!

VP: The Photos on myspace are very glam, and portray you in a few different guises, is your image something you’ve thought about a lot or do you just enjoy dressing up?

VSP: Well it’s a bit of both. I love dressing up because I think dressing up is an extension of someone’s personality & I use dressing up as a bit of a mask, I feel much more confidant when I’m dressed up all glam. Also if you name yourself “Vote Show Pony” you can’t really just turn up in jeans and a t-shirt can you? The Scissor Sisters & Gwen Stefani always look so striking & visually stimulating. I love a bit of visual stimulation!!

VP: What have you got planned for 2008?

VSP: I have a single coming out on an independent label in a couple of months. I am very excited about this as the song is one of my favourites, it’s called “Love Hearts” & it’s all about being so in love that you feel like your seeing love hearts! It’s a bit psychedelic really! I am also releasing a limited edition 7″ of my track called Strut. Apart from that I’m going to keep writing & performing & just being happy. I also may go blonde. Controversial I know.

VP: If Simon Cowell was sitting here, now, on that couch, just over there, by that huge “Peace Lily” ( which looks a little limp) “what would you say to him?

VSP: I would ask how his brother is. We went on a date many years ago.

VP: What makes you deliriously happy and what makes you sad?

VSP: Skipping very high & very fast holding someone’s hand I love makes me deliriously happy & seeing people be cruel to each other makes me sad

VP: Have you ever said “If there’s one thing I’d never do it’s….” and then ended up doing it

VSP: Oh dear, no not really. I think you should try everything at least once.

VP: Now we both like puns, so…. What’s the best Pony Pun you’ve ever heard?

VSP: That ones easy. It’s the one you said to me “To be or not to be, that is equestrian” It kills me, well done AVP!

VP: The Five best pieces of advice you’ve had in life are?

VSP: Whatever career you choose do it for the love of it, you can’t take money to your grave! Although saying that cash is a big help if you like Miu Miu shoes.
Water your plants regularly; they usually die if you don’t.
Look both ways when crossing the road; this will stop you from being run over
Be kind to people, karma is a word for a female dog.
Do not write a rap in middle 8 unless you are prepared to actually rap it live! This will stop public humiliation.

VSP ! She Get’s Our Vote Everytime!

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