The Horrors-Primary Colours-Is It Really That Good ?

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The NME have declared the Horrors latest album “Primary Colours” to be a defining moment in the history of music, forget all that has come before, for that was mere frippery and foolishness, The Horrors have redefined Rock N’ Roll …..Bizarrely many within the blogsphere seem to have been affected by an identical form of mass hysteria, squealing with delight and somewhat prematurely bestowing “Album Of The Century” plaudits on “Primary Colours”.However upon hearing the album in its entirety we remain resolutely unconvinced that this “new direction” is actually anything more than a cynical and calculated hatful of hollow driven by a ruthless and unrelenting hype machine to generate “buzz“.   We therefore decided to give the job of reviewing The Horrors album to a man who has seen it all, who witnessed the birth of “Goth” and who has the experience and wisdom to forensically slice through the PR bluster and investigate if there is any merit whatsoever in the fatuous assertions that “Primary Colours” is on a par with “Psycho Candy” or “Disintegration“. We therefore summoned Richard the Goth from his North Yorkshire Mausoleum, jemmied his coffin lid  open and politely requested he give us the definitive verdict on the Horrors latest offering.-VP

UNIVERSAL PIPTURES IN ASSOCIATION WITH 20th CENTURY GOTH PROUDLY PRESENT

“CARRY ON UP THE CRYPT”

(A HILARIOUS FARCE IN WHICH FIENDISH FARIS AND HIS FRIENDS ATTEMPT TO CONVINCE A SCEPTICAL PUBLIC AS TO THE MERITS OF THEIR “NEW DIRECTION”)

Words: Richard the Goth

Cast your minds back, if you will, to those far-off innocent times shortly before the NME decided that Glasvegas were the bright shiny future of pop music and then began their inexorable and undignified climb up James Allan’s fundament. There was a brief period of time when said publication tried to put forward The Horrors as the latest guiding beacon for a lost generation of pop kids, and somehow it all sounded so right on paper to begin with. Some holy hallowed names were invoked in the process: they were the skewed warped voodoo ju ju of the The Cramps, the white-knuckle rollercoaster ride through Hades of The Birthday Party at their hellish narcotic peak, the sexed-up whiskey priest sinners of The Gun Club. Throw in the strychnine-soaked sixties garage trash of The Sonics and that, said the hacks, was The Horrors in a nutshell. Good God, we all thought, that sounds amazing, what could possibly go wrong? Well, alas, apparently everything could, and the band turned out to be not the beautiful bastard offspring of the legends named above, but a bunch of hopeless chancers who’d spent more time back-combing their barnets and raiding some dusty old Victorian gentleman’s dressing-up box than they had on actually writing anything even half decent. I personally don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive them for wasting half an hour of my life when they were bottom of the bill to The Jesus And Mary Chain at Brixton in 2007. Their hopeless pantomime reeked of desperation and they rank as one of the phoniest acts it’s ever been my misfortune to witness. Faris, dear, you can climb the speaker stacks and hurl yourself over the barriers but it doesn’t make you Lux Interior, and dropping to your knees and howling at the moon while tugging distractedly at your hairdo does not automatically put you up there with Nick Cave. When The Mary Chain took to the stage, it must have been an abject humiliating lesson for them when Jim Reid, a middle-aged man with sensible shoes, neat short back and sides, and zero stage histrionics, taught them that you just can’t play at it: you’ve either got innate rock ‘n’ roll cool pumping through your veins or you ain’t. And, well, The Horrors quite obviously didn’t.

But that was then and this, apparently, is now. They have miraculously forged a brave new direction, website blogs are awash with awe at the profound shiny black gothic beastie they have become, and our old friends at the NME inform us that this LP “will change everything”. No hyperbole there, then…

It takes a very special sort of band indeed to borrow some of the coolest elements of leftfield-indie-goth-rock’s past, throw them together, and still manage to make a colossal c*ck-up of it, but The Horrors are quite clearly just the band for the job. On Primary Colours, there are Joy Division bass lines galore, the Phil Spector Wall Of Sound 60s girl group drumbeats so beloved of The Mary Chain circa Just Like Honey/Sowing Seeds, a pinch of early Bauhaus, a smidge of Psychedelic Furs, classic Faith/Pornography era Cure, and yet somehow they miss the point by a million miles. To these ears, the one major sound that they’ve homed in on, like hyenas on a lame zebra, is the brain-bending swathes of woozy distorted guitar perfected by Kevin Shields on My Bloody Valentine’s Loveless, and they seem to be so thrilled with it that it’s pretty much shoe-horned into every bloody song whether it belongs there or not.

It all gets off to an underwhelming start with Mirror’s Image, a veritable car crash of MBV guitar, ambient noodling, and mid-80s Bowie, and then it’s pretty much downhill all the way from there. There are 2 songs where for a few brief moments you hope they’re actually going to turn out a decent tune – Who Can Say is at first redolent of early Psychedelic Furs and might’ve made for a good song had Butler Rep been at the helm, but this being The Horrors, you don’t have to wait long before the hideously out-of-place keyboards and quite possibly the most cringeworthy spoken-word middle eight ever committed to record arrive on the scene to stamp out any such lurking potential. The rumour mill is apparently in overdrive as to whether the spoken section is aimed at Peaches Geldof or not, but by the time the dreadful “get away, get away” ending had hoved into view, I found myself not giving a flying f**k whether it was about Peaches or the man from Del Monte quite frankly.

Next up is Do You Remember, an MBV rip-off so blatant that, if Kevin Shields’ legal people ever get to hear it, there could well be trouble.

On and on it goes – Scarlet Fields is the only other song that, courtesy of its Joy Division bass, makes you think it might be half decent, until those god-awful keyboards and (you’ll never guess… go on, try…) MBV guitars completely swamp it out again. By far the worst thing about the band has to be Faris’ voice. He’s a poor lyricist, and an even poorer vocalist. He simply just doesn’t have any power, any presence, any panache. Nuls points.

Just when you think it can’t get any worse, here’s Only Think Of You to prove you wrong, and this one is just plain hilarious. As if the sub-Peter Murphy crooning isn’t bad enough, there’s a string section on it that is quite clearly recorded in such a way that is meant to render it off-key, disorientating and atonal. Well, that’s probably the effect they were hoping for, but unfortunately it reminded me of nothing quite so much as the chamber orchestra in the dinner party scene of the classic Carry On Up The Khyber after the Governor’s mansion has been shelled and the ceiling has collapsed on them, and they valiantly attempt to play on tunelessly. I’m afraid that if The Horrors had been that house band, Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond would have drawn his service revolver and shot them.

This sorry slab of an LP finally draws to a close with the supposed epic Sea Within A Sea and, sadly, like many of the world’s great bodies of water, it too is awash with poisonous toxic sludge and more raw sewage than you’d care to imagine. They so desperately want it to be an epic tour-de-force, but the material simply isn’t there. It starts out sounding like Bauhaus having a stab at The Knack’s My Sharona, before straying off into a Depeche Mode-esque electropop middle bit which takes you back to that horrible period in the mid 80s when otherwise fine bands would artificially stretch their singles into a 12″ mix simply by bunging in a load of boring superfluous drumbeats just to flesh it out. And finally, mercifully, it’s over.

As far as “new directions” go, this one ranks alongside the cynical career ploy of no-hope indiepop moppets Fear Of Flying who suddenly donned black army shirts, stopped smiling and tried to pass themselves off as the Joy Division/Echo And The Bunnymen de nos jours White Lies. Similarly The Horrors have miraculously ceased to be wild-eyed gutter urchins and  are now apparently sophisticated international men of mystery, and the whole band now have suitable down-played haircuts and outfits for the photo-shoots and videos. It’s that calculated, and that shallow, and unfortunately it comes across as that transparent. It isn’t the much-vaunted maturing progression of a band at all: – they tried to be frenzied garage demons and fell flat on their ar*es, so they’re having a crack at being something else instead.

It’s not saying much, but the music’s a marginal improvement on The Horrors of old, but the problem remains that they will never be able to escape the fact that they are forever shackled to their own overwhelming cack-handed amateurishness, and no amount of reinvention will ever be able to turn dogsh*t into diamonds.

So, Primary Colours, on a scale of 1 to 10? Less than one, actually.

____________________________________________________________

So there you have it,    but such is the pant moistening  adulation being heaped upon this album we thought a second opinion was needed, and who better than  our regular columnist, a bastion of  no nonsense common sense,  Radio Cheambeat’s Oliver Dogwood.  When we mentioned The Horrors to him he almost choked  on his Bovril, before spluttering his favourite beef flavoured  infusion all over his Sta-prest Farah slacks….. here’s what he had to say ..

Hello Dogwood here.

Settle down.

I admire Dickens as a writer, his Christmas classic ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ serves to remind me that nothing good comes about by being a maudlin ‘poor me, poor me’ merchant.  His film-making is unsurpassed and his musical about the Jewish feller, “Oliver Reed!” and the annoying child who keeps getting himself lost puts me in mind of what life was like in Preston c.1954.  Talking of Preston c.1954, my favourite Christmas Cracker gag of all time surfaced around that Christmas.  It goes something like this:

Q: “Name the Victorian serial killer who lived on the bottom of the ocean?”

A: “Jack The Kipper”

All this Dickensian/Victorian wisteria leads me to conclude that whilst I like to dip into the age of child labour, slums and consumption for occasional entertainment, I would not want to live there.  The Horrors, however, it seems to me, apparently do.

I don’t do backcombed hair, stovepipe trousers and pointy shoes gadding about in an annoying fashion around Whitechapel and Clerkenwell for the bloody hell of it all.  I’ve seen these types lounging about bars in Camden, drinking absinthe chasers and their Mary Kelly’s, ordering their lobster and lettuce.  The Dickensian waifs new wave has apparently washed up on the beaches of Suburban Londonium and I find myself tutting more and shaking my head in disbelief as another doe faced “Little Dorrit walks past.  They call themselves such ludicrous names such as “Ferris Wheel and “Rubella Nightshade” and swoon and have regular attacks of the vapours.  It’s tiresome down “the Crown” when a crowd of these “would be” Chuzzlewits start knocking back the absinthe.  They talk in loud tones to annoy the locals and in hushed reverential tones when the subject of  The Horrors comes up.

I don’t do The Horrors, an unseemly mix of ‘racket‘ and ‘foggy olde Londonium’ does not rock’n’roll make.  More like rock’n’rile.  They rile me something chronic with their bizarre London Dungeon gait and ‘Ooh look at him over there, with his Farah’s and sensible windsheater, that must be Dogwood that must be’ arch piss-taking.

Yes it is me and far better a sensible pair of trousers and protection against the elements than trying to become a human silhouette.  Yet, they don’t see it that way and the local Horrors fans have taken to lounging around Dogwood cottage and leaving their half-used opium cakes uneaten amongst the Dahlias.  A right bloody mess.

If it’s not bad enough that I have the local hoodies with their outsized trousers going south routine, the local Apache Indian revival crew and a smattering of Emus with their Jack Skellington regalia to contend with.  I now have a gang of would be late Victorian serial killer fetishists with their Phantom Raspberry Blower skits.

Life is never easy for the likes of me.  As I get older, the habits of the young never cease to confuse and confound me.  I know that lads of my vintage went round wearing Edwardian drapes and bum freezer jackets but at least they had some point.  Looking like a John Cooper Clarke clone with an official residence address of Flat 13, Bleak House seems a tad too pointless to me.
Now I’m off to attend the inaugural evening of Ivor The Engine enthusiasts, an evening that I hope will be totally devoid of Mr and Ms Horror.

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105 comments

  1. GothicMistress · April 18, 2009

    This is the only bad review of the album so I think it sucks, and who the f**k is dogwood

    • Richard The Goth · April 20, 2009

      yes, sometimes it’s hard being the lone voice of sanity, crying in the wilderness, against a sea of bullsh*t, but the vonpipexpress is prepared to hoist the flag of defiance and be that voice. Sorry, no idea who dogwood is so I can’t speak for him…

      • Dogwood · April 22, 2009

        I’m Dogwood, over here, no – you’re looking too far to the right, here. That’s it good looking chap with spectacles and a mandate to be correct in my own mind.

  2. Chelsea Blagger · April 18, 2009

    Having taken the opportunity to give this ‘utter w*nk’ (a musical term I believe!) a listen, I can tell you why there has only been one bad review, it’s simply because anyone with an ounce of musical taste has better things to do with their time than provide written comment on the NME’s new Birdland!

    Now, as for GothicMistress your moniker makes you sound like a ‘bit-of-a-girl’ if you know what I mean, you know the sort that works in the back of a rundown laundrette on the outskirts of Hartlepool, wearing fishnets and black eyeliner and providing hand jobs to local business men and your teenage ‘hoody wearing’ pimp. That’s if you are a girl, you may be a boy with a Marc Almond fetish who is desperate to escape his overpowering Irish father and gin soaked nervous wreck of a mother?

    Anyway this Gothic nonsense is meant to be all doom and gloom, but do you know what it makes me smile, SMILE you ask, why is that Mr Blagger? Surely we are so serious and dark that there is nothing to smile about!

    Maybe, but I just can’t help but raise a smile when I think about a future generation of 50 year olds with faces full of rancid holes from their ridiculous piercings and their arms full of demonic tattoos, REGRETS I’VE HAD A FEW….. HA HA HA

  3. Undead · April 18, 2009

    Pricks you must have no ears. Its Fucin awesome

    • Richard The Goth · April 20, 2009

      hang on a sec… no, they’re still there, stuck to the side of my head, and they work just fine thanks, and the Horrors still suck…

  4. Godhead · April 19, 2009

    Tosser

    • Richard The Goth · April 21, 2009

      Who? Me? Or Dogwood? Or Von Pip? Can you be more specific please? Are you by any chance a member of the same literary circle as Anon who contributed so similarly to the raging Glasvegas debate on here several months back?

  5. Charbarred · April 19, 2009

    Just had a listen to it. Awful stuff.
    Surely you are aware that NME is a newspaper for 12 year olds, right?
    If they claim something is good, you can pretty much be sure that it belongs in the bin.

  6. Darkman · April 19, 2009

    Well when the Horrors get to No1 it will prove the doubters wrong

    • vonpip · April 19, 2009

      Hmmm, but what exactly would that prove Mr Darkman? Would it vindicate you and all those tragically hip hangers on who dare not speak out against The Horrors, for fear of being turned on by the herd ??? Mr Blobby got to No.1 , did that justify his musical output ? I guess what it does prove is that people will buy into any old shit if they are told they should. You never see one lemming do you ?

      • Dogwood · April 20, 2009

        Exactly, Clive Dunn got to Number One and what did that prove? It proved that the unfunniest character from an otherwise premier sitcom could seduce the Slade-ites and Mungo Jerryians into ‘buying into’ Grandad chic. If he could do it, anyone can, including Johnny Horror and co.

  7. Hiro · April 19, 2009

    My god it’s crap Horrible tuneless wailing and blatant MBV rip-offs. Theres a big diff between being infuenced and lazy rip-offs . if this is what passes for quality then we are in deep trouble

  8. catshoe · April 19, 2009

    I am so glad that I read this before ever listening to a single thing the Horrors have produced. It means I can enjoy the writing without any concern about whether I agree with it or not… Totally fabulous reviews, totally PMSL….
    Cheers dude!

  9. Elephant Man · April 20, 2009

    the only problem i have with these reviews (although i dont agree with them at all), is the fact that the second review does not mention their album at all. It merely whinges repetitively about the bands unfortunate fans.
    I live in Australia and I had no hype surrounding the band.. no NME to so evilly misguide me. I judged on the music alone, and I liked it.
    Im assuming people will attack me for trying to give a view that has not been so touched or abused, rather, by the media, but I just wanted to put it out there that there are actually people who like them for their music, rather than their cripplingly novel appearance.

  10. Ms Farris · April 20, 2009

    I dont now how you can say this albums crap. Its the album of the year and Farris is a genius and a poet. Dogwood ? WTF ? is he an old man ? well whatever each to their own but yours is all wrong

    • Dogwood · April 22, 2009

      Depends what you mean by ‘old’. Is 56 years old old? Or merely late middle age? I suppose if you’re ten I may seem ancient but if eleventy-two I’d be a toy boy. Anyway, you’re quite right each to their own, I don’t understand what the fuss is all about – I remember Screaming Lord Sutch and Bobby Pickett and The Cryptkicker Five – now that’s Gothic!

  11. Redhead · April 20, 2009

    I think Dowgwood is having a laugh at Po-faced Horrors fans. I think you just confirmed the stereotype Chill dude

  12. badderran · April 20, 2009

    the nme is for 12 year old’s.. its fuking great , you are old and very bitter. i am old and bitter.

    shame really cos your website is ok

  13. UNSuited · April 22, 2009

    Can I say that RichardGoths review is very biased , and snobbish. The Horrors dont rip people off they absorb . I think the reviewer needs to relaise that old music isnt automatically the best he should be more open minded.

    • Richard The Goth · April 23, 2009

      Well, you may of course certainly say that, Unsuited, but I would have to disagree with you. For a start, I don’t think it’s a “biased” review, it is merely my opinion, and I honestly hated the LP. Where you get “snobbish” from I’m afraid is beyond me, and I never said anywhere that old music was automatically the best. The reason I mentioned so many old bands as reference points in my review is because the band’s music is mysteriously being trumpeted by all and sundry as some sort of bold innovative new sound when it is very clearly nothing of the sort. One person’s “absorbing” of new influences will always be another’s “cack-handed crass appropriation” so we will never agree on that obviously, and I have never had any problem with a band taking an obvious infulence and doing something interesting and creative with it: The Mary Chain were clearly in thrall to the Velvets/60s pop etc, but had the talents to create something new and beautiful with it, current bands like The Thermals obviously like Ramones and Husker Du and melodic punky pop but they are a fine band in their own right, whereas The Horrors in my opinion sound like they’ve just decided to lift stuff like MBV’s guitar sound wholesale without actually having any of the wherewithal to actually know how to do anything good with it once they’ve nicked it!
      As for insisting I should be more open-minded, I’m afraid I have to take issue with you on that one! I try to approach all music without preconceptions where possible, and my tastes range from 16th century English church music of Thomas Tallis through to The Cramps, Rachmaninov to the Ramones, and all points in between, so musical closed-mindedness is one accusation I know can never be levelled at me! I simply genuinely detest the Horrors’ music. They suck, pure and simple. Maybe the review is on the caustic side purely as a counter-attack to the fawning nonsense that’s being spouted elsewhere!

  14. Dinski · April 23, 2009

    Is Dogwood retarded ?

    • Dogwood · April 23, 2009

      I don’t think so but then I’m biased.

  15. The Grim · April 27, 2009

    DIS Review says

    “Where once stood five carefully styled students looking to create a loud racket, Primary Colours reveals a confident, poised group of songwriters who aren’t afraid of acknowledging the sounds of years gone by while successfully sidestepping the pitfalls of pastiche. The influences are apparent and that can’t be denied. The Cure, The Jesus & Mary Chain, The Psychedelic Furs and every other black clad British rocker of a certain vintage have left their mark on Primary Colours. The pulsating chimes of opener ‘Mirror’s Image’ even tip a hat to Brian Eno’s early ambient work.”

    http://drownedinsound.com/releases/14299/reviews/4136551

    I think Dicky Goth might have it woefully wrong

    • Richard The Goth · April 28, 2009

      Huh??? I have it “woefully wrong” because I don’t agree with Drowned In Sound’s review? Where’s the logic to that argument? Like I said, some people see a band absorbing the various influences mentioned and fashioning a new and beatiful soundscape with them, whereas I see a bunch of clumsy rip-off merchants without a clue creating one of the most woefully abysmal LPs I have heard in a long time. Imagine how dull a world it would be if we all liked the same thing, and believe me, I really REALLY dislike the Horrors!!! heh heh heh
      Anyway, Grim, has it cossed your mind that I may be right and DIS are the ones who are “woefully wrong”?? It’s all a matter of opinion, horses for courses etc etc, (although let’s be honest, it’s me that’s right, everyone else that’s wrong, and The Horrors suck…)

  16. willwillwill · April 29, 2009

    First off I’d like to say I think ‘Primary Colours’ is a piece of shit. The vocals are atrocious in every possible way, no real melody, sounds completely tone deaf, painful lyrics.
    However, I think you’re simply wrong in claiming that they’re ripping off MBV and JCMC (two bands that I’m a very big fan of). That’s pretty much saying any band that draws influence from them is ripping them off. No elements of their songs sound anywhere near similar enough to be considered a rip off.
    Also, I’m wondering why no one is comparing Primary Colours to Strange House. I personally thought Strange House was fantastic. It was fun, energetic, and a great combination of influences (early garage n surf, punk, horror..). This new one is dreary, dull, and just garbage. I actually can’t wrap my head around a group of people creating Strange House and then writing Colours and being deaf and/or stupid enough to not only like it, but think other people will like it too.

    • Richard The Goth · April 30, 2009

      Erm, no, I never actually said they were ripping off the Mary Chain, nor are you right in saying that my comments imply that anyone who uses a band as an influence is by default a rip-off merchant. See my reply to Unsuited wherein I clearly state that the Marychain, Thermals etc, have clear influences that they’ve taken on board, but (being bands with talent and originality) have used said influences to create something of their own. And for me, the Horrors lack the talent to do anything like that. They’re simply not good enough! If you honestly don’t think “any elements” of The Horrors songs sound close enough to be labelled a rip-off fair enough, that’s your opinion but I stand by my comments about the guitar sound in relation to MBVs Loveless. I think it’s a blatant steal, simple as that. If they’d taken that sound and been creative with it I would honestly have no problem with it, but they just try and replicate the MBV effect and fall dismally short of the mark.
      You want a comparison to Strange House? Okay, This LP’s s**t, Strange House was worse! There you go, happy to oblige!

      • Wiro · May 1, 2009

        How can you claim to be a fan of The JAMC and MBV and not appreciate or give credit to what the Horrors are bravely trying to do ? Would you rather the were influenced by Steps ? I think despite what you say that you had made your mind up before you reviewed this album .

        It’s the album of the year

        • Richard The Goth · May 1, 2009

          I’m not actually that big a fan of My Bloody Valentine. Loveless was a fine LP but I don’t rate them as highly as a lot of people seem to. As for the Mary Chain, I can claim to be a fan, as you put it Wiro, because I have adored them since “You Trip Me Up” came out in 1985 and still do, along with the ’78/’79 line-up of the Banshees they are the greatest rock n roll band ever to emerge from the UK in my humble opinion. Why should that have any bearing on what I think of The Horrors? Your comment about preferring them to be influenced by Steps is, I’m afraid, complete nonsense and utterly irrelevant to the argument: The Horrors are not “bravely” trying to do anything in my opinion, and the fact that the influences they have chosen to draw on (Cure, MBV, Bauhaus, etc etc) are cool as opposed to pop chart fodder is meaningless: You imply I should be grateful that they’ve listened to Psychedelic Furs instead of The Vengaboys! Why? It hasn’t made the end product any more bearable! As for making my mind up before reviewing the LP, well unless you’re the ghost of The Amazing Kreskin and can read minds, you’re guessing at that! You’re right in that I had little respect or time for the band having listened to them and seen them live in their previous “look, we’re the Birthday Party!” incarnation, but I was willing to give them a second shot at impressing me, and they failed. I wasn’t surprised but there you go. If you read the review again, you will see that there are a few brief moments where I clearly say that the music has some promising moments, but that they inevitably f**k it up.
          Obviously there’s no way in hell that I’m ever going to agree with your “album of the year” comment. So far, that belongs to The Thermals “Now We Can See”. Now there’s a band who know what they’re doing…

      • willwillwill · May 1, 2009

        “The Horrors in my opinion sound like they’ve just decided to lift stuff like MBV’s guitar sound wholesale without actually having any of the wherewithal to actually know how to do anything good with it once they’ve nicked it!”
        that certainly sounds like a rip off accusation to me. anyways i personally think ‘primary colours’ guitar work just isn’t i dont know quite the right word for..sonic? enough to be a MBV rip off. maybe the cleaner tidbits of ‘soon’ is similar to primary colours but still

        and I cant fathom how you’d see this as an improvement from strange house. I mean i can understand strange house not being your cup of tea, but it’s actually got melodies to it, while primarily colours is just straight up bad

        • Richard The Goth · May 1, 2009

          Hi Will, go back and read the first line of my reply 30th April, where I say I never accused the Horrors of ripping off the Mary Chain. I didn’t accuse them of that, but as for the MBV accusation? I stand by that wholeheartedly. Just coz their feeble take on the MBV guitar sound isn’t as immense as Kevin Shields’, it doesn’t make it any less of a rip-off. I’m not denying I accused them of being rip-off merchants and I have no qualms at all about restating that here and now, okay? To me, this LP is an improvement (almost imperceptable I grant you, but still let’s not look a gift horse in the mouth eh?) on Strange House because this has one or two fleeting moments that make you think they might actually be about to deliver a half-way decent song (they never do of course, but hope springs eternal), whereas the first one didn’t even have that, it was just unrelentingly s**t. This one is unrelentingly s**t with 2 very small glimmers of light that remind you of much better bands from 20-odd years ago! At least we agree it’s “straight up bad”. I’m with you there…

  17. vonpip · May 5, 2009
    • Richard The Goth · May 5, 2009

      Well, I don’t see why… after all, surely you realise The Manics are towering giants of modern rock music and their word is unquestionable? ahem… Actually the very worst thing about that article is the fact that they’re going to cover (well, more like trample all over with their dirty great size 9s) Felt’s “Primitive Painters”!!!! Dear God, NO!!! James Dean Bradfield’s honking voice making a complete dog’s dinner of the swooping swirling classic, that’ll be something to look forward to? Is Nicky Wire going to put on yet another frock and do the Elizabeth Fraser counterparts then? YIKES!
      And I just saw the sleeve of The Horrors’ new LP… bloody hell, even that’s a pastiche of the fuzzy photos of The Cure from the Pornography sessions… Christ On A Bike, isn’t there one original thought or idea in their heads??? Apparently not…

  18. vonpip · May 5, 2009

    Yes indeed it is . Tonight Matthew I’m going to be Bob Smith or Kev Shields . We’ll see what works eh ?

    For younger viewers here are the albums side by side. Rather sad eh ?

  19. Ange. · May 6, 2009

    Maybe the Horrors aren’t trying desperately to be original, maybe they’re just trying to introduce their younger fans to music such as MBV and The Cure etc, etc. So what if their guitar sounds and album cover aren’t entirely original, it’s not easy to be original when everything’s been done already. You imply you partly hate The Horrors as they’re unoriginal “isn’t there one original thought or idea in their heads???” yet Strange House is the most original and bizarre album I’ve ever heard and it’s absolutely amazing. Primary Colours is just as bizarre but in a different way. If you forget all of Primary Colours influences you’ll find that for kids who haven’t heard anything like BMV, Primary Colours is amazing.

    • vonpip · May 6, 2009

      “you’ll find for kids Primary Colours is amazing ” – Not sure about that one, thats rather sweeping “the kids” are quite able to find JAMC, MBV et all with the click of a mouse… and if they did they would realise how empty, passionless and shallow “Primary Colours” really is . Heres a thought , maybe the Horrors arent trying to introduce their younger fans to new music such as The Cure etc maybe they are just cynical careerists ? I think if, as you say, they really wish to introduce younger fans to bands like The Cure or MBV then I suggest they should maybe just write a blog and spare our ears from this pretentious, listless cak. Its hardly bizzarre , however it is crap. If they were aiming for the latter then mission accomplished.

      Its not a problem to be influenced by great bands, as Richard The Goth said the Horrors lack the ” wherewithal to actually know how to do anything good with it once they’ve nicked it!” and therein lies the problem.

    • Richard The Goth · May 6, 2009

      Well Ange, nobody is saying it is easy to be original, nor that the Horrors are expected to be a devastatingly unique musical combo. Most bands, even the aforementioned great bands from the past, are a melting pot of influences that are usually fairly easy to spot. That they have used obvious influences isn’t my main objection, it’s the fact that (as stated in my review) they take those cool classy reference points and then f**k it up completely because I honestly think they’re not a good enough band to do anything other than that. I think you’re being somewhat over-generous when you say they’re perhaps just trying to introduce their fans to the Cure etc, like some Good Goth Samaritans. And if you “forget all of Primary Colours influences”, what is left?? Absolutely nothing I’m afraid, because that’s all the album is: a collection of badly assembled secondhand musical components. On a final note, if Strange House is “the most original and bizarre album” you have “ever heard”, I would suggest an immediate wholesale purchase of a damn sight more LPs to add to your collection, pronto!!! heh heh heh. To each their own I suppose.

  20. catshoe · May 6, 2009

    have you seen the music snobbery gig review? The world is coming round to your way of thinking

    http://www.musicsnobbery.com/2009/05/the-horrors-music-hall-of-williamsburg-oh-the-horrors.html

    • vonpip · May 6, 2009

      This in the scotsman too

      “SO FAR in their short but eventful career, London-based stick insects The Horrors have guest-starred in an episode of The Mighty Boosh and persuaded Samantha Morton to star in a body horror video, but they have chiefly been concerned with aping alternative rock of yore.

      On their debut album, the model was swamp rockers The Cramps. For the follow-up, they have merely substituted one slavish imitation for another, more commercially viable, one – this year, they will be mostly copying doomy 1980s rock in the Joy Division/Echo & The Bunnymen mould, with a soupçon of early 1990s shoegazing-style distortion.

  21. Ange. · May 7, 2009

    Whether The Horrors have fucked up their reference points completely or not is a total matter of opinion. I know everyone’s entitled to their own opinion, I just feel obliged to defend a new release, that I genuinely think is a really good album.
    Also for Dogwood, how does the way the Horrors and their fans dress got to do with how good their music is? You choose to dress “sensibly” but that doesn’t mean I can assume you have horrid taste in music. As with us, we dress how we want to and to assume we all listen to/make rubbish music is ridiculous. I just don’t understand how what you said had anything to do with the album review.

    • vonpip · May 7, 2009

      Dogwood is the voice of common sense in a world gone mad , you should lisen to his Radio show , you might learn something

      http://www.myspace.com/oliverdogwood

      • Anonymous · May 7, 2009

        Honestly, I’m intrigued to hear what he has to say, partly because I’m actually interested, but mostly because I’m always up for a good arguement.
        Unfortunately it’s not going to happen as Myspace doesn’t load with my internet speed being so slow. I’m sure I’m missing out on something epic -__-

    • Dogwood · May 7, 2009

      Dear Ange

      Dressing sensibly is a career choice and one that has got me into many a problem with UK Sub fans. What I had to say has nothing to do with the album review, it’s just that the local Goths and EMU’s, many of whom appear to be Horrors fans regularly ‘egg’ Dogwood cottage so you can understand how one might be a little prejudiced.

      I got into a conversation with Millard, one of the lads down at the radio station, and he was defending the Horrors saying that I should go to a Horrors party with him. Well, that’s all very well I said, but what’s to stop them kicking my head in? Nothing, he said, you bloody deserve it.

      I don’t do skinny jeans personally, when you suffer from groin chaffing it’s a Ken Barlow you don’t strive to attain so I’m thinking that if the Horrors wore something with a roomy gusset I might be better disposed.

      I’m what you might call a cantankerous bugger, I wouldn’t call myself that but you might and that’s your privelege.

      Have you heard Tears for Fears? They dress like absurdists and sound equally daft. Elton John, he’s another one.

  22. Rupert · May 9, 2009

    I’ve been gathering this for a while, here is a short list of musicians/film makers who have publicly professed to liking/respecting/appreciating (giving the cantankerous bugger a range of verbs to cut down on the chance of my words being twisted) the Horrors:

    Lou Reed, John Cale (The Velvet Underground)
    Spider (the Pogues)
    Kevin Haskins, David J (Bauhaus)
    Mark E Smith (The Fall)
    Jim Sclavunos (The Cramps, Bad Seeds, Teenage Jesus, Sonic Youth)
    Lydia Lunch (Teenage Jesus)
    Tim Burgess (The Charlatans)
    Nik Zinner (The Yeah Yeah Yeahs)
    Siouxie Sioux (the Banshees)
    Jim Reid, Douglas Hart (The Jesus & Mary Chain)
    Chris Cunningham
    Spike Jonze
    Marky Ramone
    Daniel Miller (The Normal, Founder of Mute Records)
    Iggy Pop
    Nick Cave
    Portishead
    The Gruesomes
    Kevin Shields (My Bloody Valentine)
    Jason Pierce (Spacemen 3, Spiritualized)
    Bobby Gillespie (Primal Scream)
    Killing Joke
    The Sonics
    Andrew Weatherall
    Arctic Monkeys
    The Kills
    The White Stripes
    Bloc Party
    The Raveonettes
    Steve Mackey, Jarvis Cocker (Pulp)
    Trent Reznor (NiN)
    Henry Rollins (Black Flag)
    Kevin Shields (My Bloody Valentine)

    • Richard The Goth · May 11, 2009

      Where to begin, Rupert, where to begin…? First off, “cantankerous bugger”… well, you will be pleased to know I have been called far worse than that in my time so I have chosen to take it as a compliment. Secondly, “twist my words”? What a scurrilous thing to suggest! I have done no such thing to anybody’s words, merely proffered an honest response to any comments made. And finally, to “the list”. Noble and painstaking effort that it is, what exactly are you trying to prove to me? That I should be nice to The Horrors simply because some of the people on your list are heroes of mine (Siouxsie, JAMC, Velvets, Lydia, Cave, Cramps, etc)? Wouldn’t that just make me a feeble minded cretin incapable of forming or expressing my own opinions? Fair enough if you were 12 years old you might think “Oh bugger sod hell I’ve got to like them coz Jim Reid says they’re okay”, but those days are a long way behind us all! And I’m with VonPip on this, as in I would like to see the actual quotes and context for this list of Horrors “fans”, and I would also bear in mind that some of the people on your list I wouldn’t entirely trust with their opinions. Henry Rollins springs to mind. He’s done some good stuff over the years (and some steaming festering crap as well) but he is a bit of a hypocrite with his opinions at times… Don’t know if you’ve ever read “get in the van” his diaries of his BLack Flag days, but he goes on about hating junkies and what a waste of space they are etc, and the next minute he’s creaming his jeans over hanging out with Bargeld and Cave and how cool they are. So as long as you’re a famous junkie and they’re your mates it’s okay then, is it Hank???
      Anyway, bottom line is, compile all the lists you like, even if Jim Reid turned round and said all Mary Chain fans should love the Horrors, it wouldn’t alter my stance I’m afraid. They sucked, they still suck, they will forever suck…And not one twisted word, how’s that?
      Have a nice day! xxx

  23. Rupert · May 9, 2009

    Yes I put Kevin Shields twice.

  24. vonpip · May 10, 2009

    Erm and your point is?….Morrissey liked The Ordinary Boys …it didnt mean the Ordinary Boys were any good did it…. The Horrors arent fit to lace the Mary Chains boots. End of

    Be interested to source the actual quotes on your list of “cool”

    Bet we could find just as many who think its an over hyped, contrived empty shell.

    I actually enjoyed this quote from a JAMC fan forum, a pretty good summation of the album me thinks

    “The Horrors LP sounds like a buck-toothed, Belgian Wayne Hussey humming along to Gallon Drunk B-sides while Tav falco w*nks in his eager face.”

  25. Ferris Bueller · May 10, 2009

    So is that list supposed to give this shitty band the royal seal of approval ? Somehow make them cool. I\’m a huge Mary Chain fan but I could nt give a F**k if the band like the Horros or not , because to mention the Horros in the same breath as the JAMC is a joke. There’s no comparion

    The albums awful, the worst vocal perfomance I think I\’ve ever heard. Every review ( except this) just repeats the press release. Its a fine example of how hype becomes truth in some reviewers heads- sad The Horrors really are as empty as the Spice Girls they are just using a different vehicle.

  26. Rupert · May 11, 2009

    My point is only that these are people whose opinions I respect. Nothing to do with cool or whatever, it’s just interesting.

    • vonpip · May 11, 2009

      I also have a list of folk who also love the album and admire this brave new direction

      Christopher Biggins
      Jeremy Clarkeson
      Barry Chuckle
      Geoffrey Hayes ( Rainbow- not the band)
      Josie Jump ( Balamory)
      Alan Barton ( Black Lace)
      Justin ( Tikkabilla)
      Simon Cowell
      Pete Waterman
      Geri Halliwell
      Christopher Lillicrap
      Ray Slijngaard & Anita Doth
      Fab Morvan
      Rob Pilatus
      Robert Van Winkle
      Alice Deejay
      Armand Van Helden
      H.P. Baxxter ( Scooter)
      Dean Friedman
      Mark Ronson
      Lena Martell
      Alan Titchmarsh
      Fiona Phillips
      Phillip Schofield
      Dave Lee Travis

      • Richard The Goth · May 11, 2009

        I would’ve thought Bungle off Rainbow would be on there as well, he’s a dim-witted groveller who’ll happily go along with the crowd. Zippy on the other hand, well we all know he wouldn’t hold back in his condemnation of Faris & crew. But if you want a puppet’s opinion, just imagine what that suave debonair master of repartee Basil Brush would make of the buggers… heh heh heh

        • Ange. · May 12, 2009

          I’m insulted that you refer to fans of the album as “puppets.” Before I bought Strange House I’d never even heard of The Horrors and when I played it for the first time I didn’t know what to expect. When I first heard ‘Sea Within A Sea’ I have to admit I was disappointed. But on hearing the rest of Primary Colours I began to like it, not because It was by The Horrors and not because of outside influences. I genuinely like Primary Colours, a decision uninfluenced by anyone. Not everyone who likes the Horrors is a tasteless sheep.

          • vonpip · May 12, 2009

            erm he’s not, he’s referring to Basil Brush who literally ( not figuratively) is actually a real puppet

            http://www.basilbrush.com/

            Tasteless sheep ? I’d try some mint sauce

          • Richard The Goth · May 12, 2009

            AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Excuse the wild larffter, but I think this is my fave of all the comments so far! I know Von Pip has already posted a clarification on my behalf but I can’t help chipping in as well. Please try not to be too offended Ange, castigating me for calling Horrors fans “puppets”. Yes, I’m afraid I was speaking of Bungle and Zippy, and the mighty Basil Brush! ACTUAL PUPPETS! Although I have to say, should Faris and Co last a lifetime, they will never possess even a fraction of the entertainment value of the orignial 1970s version of the fantabulous fox. Heh heh heh…

  27. Ange. · May 12, 2009

    The context it was used in “But if you want a puppet’s opinion” implies that the Horrors fans are ‘puppets’ (in a figurative sense), either that or the comment was totally irrelevant.

    Ahahaha tosser.

    • Bungle · May 12, 2009

      Um no Ange , the context it was used in was in the context of Zippy, Basil Brush etc who are really puppets. You have proved Horrors fans take them self oh so serioulsy and are paranoid, then you use insults when you are shown up for being humourless, po faced dullards. Well done for completly missing the point.

    • Richard The Goth · May 13, 2009

      Aha, so now we’re moving into the area of psychological profiles of Horrors fans are we? The context of my comment, Ange old fruit, was farily obvious if you ask me. Vonpip mentioned Geoffrey off the old kids’ TV show Rainbow, ergo I brought Bungle The Bear and Zippy into the equation (as you do), and then expressed the thought that, should you find yourself in need of the opinion of a truly great acerbic witted puppet, you could do no better than the aforementioned Mr Brush, okay? It’s nothing to do with Horrors fans, figuratively or any other way, nor is it particularly relevant to the current raging debate, it is called FUN, or “having a larff” as we say on these shores. I also wonder if you’re big on irony, passing judgment on people’s “tolerance” and then signing off a posting with the devastatingly cutting “tosser”!! Why? coz I don’t agree with you, or coz I don’t like the Horrors, or coz you misunderstood a comment I made about a frig*ing puppet??? I suggest you get to youtube immediately and search for vintage Basil clips and see the errors of your ways.
      Love peace & understanding,
      R xxx

  28. Ange. · May 13, 2009

    Paranoid, I may be, but I don’t think that goes for all Horrors fans. I might have interpreted the comment wrongly as I’m unfamiliar with this ‘Bungle and Zippy’… However as far as Basil Brush goes, maybe he was brilliant in the ’70’s, but he’s fairly unimpressive to a teenager in 2009 such as myself.
    Taking myself “oh so seriously”? Wrong! I fail at doing so most of the time, infact I get into a alot of shit for not taking anything seriously, but I’m allowed to defend my opinion am I not?
    I don’t know what paranoia and being serious has to do with The Horrors. Other fans I’ve met are not paranoid or serious at all.

    (My above reply was actually to the ‘vonpip’ fellow, who seems a hell of a lot less tolerant than ‘Richard the Goth’. It might have something to do with the fact that I’m writing this on the other side of the world, but his reply hadn”t turned up before I last posted. Thanks for the clarification everyone >:[ )

    • vonpip · May 13, 2009

      “I’m insulted that you refer to fans of the album as “puppets.”” erm that was a reply to me then was it ?

      Its not a case of being intolerant , ( please explain) I dont like The Horrors , it’s that simple I I listened to them with an open mind and they just don’t cut the mustard. Now if you want to call people a tosser for holding that opinion thats fine , cut loose, no intolerance there at all eh ?

      • Ange. · May 14, 2009

        Sorry for wasting your time. I’m bored with this arguement with a bunch of people I’ll never have the *cough* pleasure of meeting. You’re right, it’s just a matter of opinion and everyone has their own. I’ve come off as a right little twat because of my misunderstanding and ignorance. I read the review, disagreed with it, stated my opinion and now find myself here: argueing with a few people I’ll never know, who disagree with me. I’ll go have a cry, shall I?
        The Horrors are the kind of band that people like me want to be hearing more of, they’re something different which is a relief because nearly all of today’s mainstream music is so similar and lame.

        • vonpip · May 14, 2009

          No you havent you just like thh band and tried to defend them, nowt wrong with that . I still think maybe you’d be better off listening to bands that actually had a wee bit of originality and didnt plunder other bands back catalogues in attempt to produce a hip saleable “product” and which is blatently unoriginal and contrived. But Hey Ho , each to their own. As they say opionions are like arseholes…..etc

          Im sure we’d agree on many things, just not The horrors eh? x

        • Richard The Goth · May 14, 2009

          Ange, you have not “come off as a right little twat”, so don’t go all paranoid and self-pitying okay? Never feel you are “wasting time” just for expressing your opinion about a band. It’s a music blog, it’s supposed to be a full and frank exchange of views with no quarter asked and none given, but more importantly, it’s all supposed to be a bit of a laugh as well, hence all the babble about puppets!!!. We are obviously never going to agree as to the merits of The Horrors: you love them, I think they should burn in hell for all eternity suffering the demonic torments of Beelzebub and his foul minions for foisting such crap records on my defenceless lugs, but there you go, it doesn’t mean there has to be an “argument”. As for your “misunderstanding and ignorance”… don’t do yourself down so much, love! No need to sob into the pillow, like I told you, dive into the world of vintage Basil Brush and put a smile on your face!! You’ll thank me for it in the long run. (I’d also suggest you melt down your Horrors CDs and replace them with far more worthwhile bands’ back catalogue, but that would just stir up a whole different hornet’s nest of trouble and we don’t want to go there again..)
          ‘ello ‘ello ‘ello, welcome to the show, weeeellllllcoommme,

          Love,
          Monsieur Le Goth

  29. Dogwood · May 14, 2009

    Can I check is that real Bungle that replied above? If so I’ve got a bloody bone to pick with him.

  30. Persil · May 22, 2009

    I have to say the review of this album here is totally off base.’Primary Colours’ is the best, most consistent album I’ve heard for a long time.I’m hearing obviously MBV,Joy Division, Cure et al, but I’m also hearing Can, Neu! and lots of Krautrock, Psychedelic Furs, Slowdive, Verve etc.This album is also really a massive leap forward in terms of both the arrangements and production that these aforementioned artists helped to open the doors for.

    Respect to The Horrors for really producing something so intelligent that it just SLAYS the competition. This is future music for ‘Future Days’ (Can, 1972). Listen to this album up loud or on decent headphones and check the detail.This album is like an amazing artwork, and is right up there with the canon created by Kevin Shields and co. in my opinion.

    • vonpip · May 22, 2009

      Hahahahaha…..oh …you’re actually serious ?

      in that case

      hahahahaha

    • Richard The Goth · May 26, 2009

      “Totally off base”? I prefer “small voice of sanity crying in the wilderness” but there you go. Good luck to you, if you see this sorry slab of sludge as “an amazing artwork”, but as we are all painfully aware by now, beauty is very much in the eye of the beholder. You see Carravaggio, I see a messy join-the-dots inexpertly done in wax crayons by a sadly untalented toddler…

      • Ange. · June 2, 2009

        Ohhhh, I’m back, my friends. There’s just nothing else for me to do during my lonely computers class but go on the internet and read blogs and in some cases bite back, so to speak. (;
        It seems I just can’t sit back and let you insult my favourite band as you do. Fans, such as myself don’t go slagging off your musical preferences do we? Nooo.
        So please refrain from referring to this album as things like “a sorry slab of sludge” (yes, I know you’re talking about the cover art but I’m too lazy to go and sift through all your comments trying to find insults referring specifically to the music).

        • Richard The Goth · June 2, 2009

          Well hello, long time no see!!! Actually Ange, when I used the term “sorry slab of sludge” I was referring to the musical content contained therein seeing as Persil referred to the album itself as being “an amazing artwork”. I’m afraid it will be a cold day in hell when I stop referring to both the band and this dreadful album in the terms already used, seeing as that’s my honest opinion, so your pleas for mercy for Faris and co must fall on deaf ears. Like I said before, the whole point of a review and any subsequent blogging is to express those opinions, and therefore you have to take the rough with the smooth I’m afraid. I don’t care if people “slag off” any bands or artists I happen to love, it makes no difference in the long run to my love of them, for example over on another forum I grace with my presence Join Hands by Siouxsie & The Banshees has been getting a kicking from some people: I love it so I’ve been disagreeing with them and defending my position, but I don’t go bleating that it’s not fair to Siouxsie so stop saying nasty things about the album! And so with regard to your beloved Horrors, I’m afraid we shall continue to throw metophorical rotten tomatoes at this god-awful useless heap of a band for as long as we like! And there’s nothing you can do to stop us!! heh heh heh…
          Nice to have you back!

  31. thepusherman · December 7, 2009

    “First off I’d like to say I think ‘Primary Colours’ is a piece of shit”

    Ha…funny from willwillwill. Also Dicky Goth was gas. Not him personally but calling him that was…

    This debate raging here is great…Some of the stuff said is brillant…

    I have to say that there are elements to both arguments that conjure up some serious questions. The point that The Horrors simply seemed to have carved out a new identity is controversial. Do you either except it basically as the way things unfolded for them as they got older or have they just tried to (in a very shallow way) portray themselves as cool? I really am unsure about this. On stage their shows are funny because they don’t really interact with the crowd but… is it an act?

    Saying they have completly ripped off JMC/MBV and joy division is a bit harsh. Obviously there are similarities but to say they almost stole (You stole!) is a bit jumping the gun. Every band has major influences and every band kinda borrows material in a way of manipulating to create a song of their own. You would be hard pushed to find a band nowadays that does not “borrow”. Every band sounds a bit like their influences otherwise they wouldn’t be their influences.

    I’d rate the album probably a 6/10. Some of the songs are interesting enough and I think its great that bands are trying to sound like JMC, MBV. But there are way way better bands around doing this. Lend your ear to A Place To Bury Strangers, Dead Confederates, The Brothers Movement and basically any band on the Brian Jonestown Massacre Myspace.

    Also I would just lke to add that the singer in The Horrors looks exactly like Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Paul Lang.

    The PLP

    • Richard The Goth · December 7, 2009

      “dickygoth”? Found that amusing did you eh? Well, that’s MR Dickygoth to you!!!… Anyhow, I thought this debate was long dead, but here we go again… I think I said enough times in previous replies that I personally never expect any band to appear these days that has no obvious influences at all, and is utterly unique etc, it’s just not going to happen is it?. I completely disagree with you that The Horrors have “carved out a new identity for themselves”… that statement would imply they have some kind of validity as a band, or have matured and progressed as their talents have changed, and I don’t think they have any of those qualities. Their change of tack reeks of careerism and nothing else. As I said before, they tried to be the Cramps and The Birthday Party. They got laughed out of the building, so they decided to have a crack at being MBV and The Cure and The Furs and god alone knows who else. They’re just as risible as they were in their first incarnation, but tragically elements of the music press seem to have gone along with the whole ghastly charade. That’s their right of course, but I think they’re sadly mistaken.

      You’re obviously a generous sort, or overcome with the Festive Spirit awarding them 6/10 for this horrible excuse for an LP, but I stand by my nuls points and nothing will sway me I’m afraid!
      I don’t think it’s necessarily great that new bands should “try and sound like” the Mary Chain or MBV etc. What’s the point in that? If you mean, take those bands as an influence and then do something else with it, then fair enough, but slavish copying will only result in slurry like Primary Colours again, and we don’t want that now, do we??? Place To Bury Strangers?… about 3 or 4 decent songs on the new LP, the rest is filler (ironically the best one is the most Mary Chain-alike number), but I hear more of The Cure in them at times, Dead Confederates? only heard one of their ditties to my knowledge, and it sounded pretty standard indie rock to these ears as opposed to anything that might owe a debt to the JAMC or any such band, but I must investigate them further before passing any more comment. Brothers Movement?… Saw them live last year and they were okay-ish to some degree, but again pretty trad indie/rock stuff with the odd horrible tendency to veer towards bombastic wannabe U2 stadium stuff … Brian Jonestown Massacre? Occasionally interesting, undoubtedly gifted, but more often than not too self-indulgent tantrum-prone junkie for my liking!!! heh heh heh….
      All the best,
      Sir Richard The Goth
      (I’m hoping for something for Services To Music from Queenie when the New Years Honours are announced. There’ll be no more “dickygoth” from you after that, young feller-me-lad, or it’ll be straight off to The Tower with you, and no messing!)🙂

  32. Emilie · January 9, 2010

    Why the fuck would you write this? It’s just fucking bewildering. I can’t get my fucking head round it. This album is fucking brilliant. Why are you all criticizing Primary Colours when there are artists out there that are at the top of the charts, influenced by the likes of Mariah Carey and don’t write their own fucking songs! You may have seen the birth of goth, but that doesn’t make you the fucking Messiah does it?

    • vonpip · January 10, 2010

      hahahaha , I’ll leave this to Richard the Goth, why would he write it ? It’s called an opinion . Just like yours,

    • Richard The Goth · January 11, 2010

      No, I’m not the messiah… I’m a very naughty boy!!! (sorry, but I couldn’t resisit that one…) Anyhow, down to business Emilie… I wrote it because I was asked by Herr Von Pip to review the Horrors LP. What I wrote in that review, as I have said in response to many such outraged howls from disbelieving Horrors fans, I wrote because it was my honest response to that LP. It’s not “bewlidering” that I should have an opinion that differs from yours. why should it be? I think it’s a useless album by a useless band, simple as… And again, I think you’re falling into the same trap as a previous correspondent, claiming that simply because The Horrors don’t sound like Shania Twain, or Boyzone or something off the execrable Simon Cowell’s grim little “talent” contest, we should all be grateful and heap praise upon Faris and co. I’m sorry, but that doesn’t make them any good! By that yardstick I should unquestioningly adore every punk indie goth leftfield band that has ever existed just because they don’t sound like they were produced by Stock Aitken Waterman. It doesn’t work like that. Yes, I’m glad there are bands out there who actually write their own material etc but that isn’t in itself a measure of a band being any good. As I keep saying, The Horrors used to try and write and write Birthday Party songs (on a sideline, RIP Rowland S Howard, now there was a unique and talented guitarist), and when that turned out to be a dud, they’re now trying to write MBV/Furs etc songs. Personally I think they’re just as useless at that as they were in their previous incarnation. I don’t buy them as a genuine article at all. I find them as cynical and careerist as the chart-topping bands and acts that you despise. I am happy for you that you have a band you obviously like and whose work does something for you. It’s a wonderful thing to be touched and inspired by music, but I think they’re dross. I stand by every word of the review, for the reasons I have given.
      I think I’ll have my official letter heads changed to incorporate a bat and a rosary with the proud moniker “From The Desk of Richard The Goth Messiah” in script beneath it…. definitely got a ring to it has that!) 🙂

  33. catshoe · January 10, 2010

    It is a fabulous thing that this ‘debate’ is still going. Maybe it was the end of year polls that made people look again, or maybe it will indeed still be running on January 10th next year

    • vonpip · January 10, 2010

      I think Richard The Goth has eloquently explained his reasons without resorting to liberally using the word “f**k” to express his opinion . I must agree with him, he’s pretty much hit the nail on the head. But y’know, it’s the NME album of the year so, like ,it must be good!

  34. Persil · January 31, 2010

    I was lucky enough to see The Horrors play a couple of weeks ago, and might I add that ‘Primary Colours’ sounds fantastic live, so all you doubters can kiss my furry arse.This is an album that just gets mighter with every listen.

    Bring on the Krautrock revival of 2010!

    • vonpip · January 31, 2010

      Mighter you say?

    • Richard The Goth · February 1, 2010

      Well, I don’t think I’d go so far as to say that encountering the Horrors in concert would bring the word “lucky” to my mind, but to each their own… I am thrilled for you that you enjoyed it. I must remain, as you say, a “doubter”, but I must decline your kind offer so you can put your furry ass away, thank you very much!🙂

  35. Ange. · February 15, 2010

    The Horrors are ace live🙂
    I’d say 10/10 but for the lack of crowd interaction. That was a wee bit disappointing…

    • Richard The Goth · February 15, 2010

      Ah, but have you considered Ange, that the crowd’s reaction reflected their feelings on being confronted with the sad spectacle taking place before their very eyes?… the reactions was “disappointing” because the punters were indeed disappointed! ? It was the same when they supported the Mary Chain, at one point there was a decidedly tiny ripple of the sound of a few hands clapping after one ditty, and Faris said “I think that was a smattering”… but, considering the hyperbole around them as this killer live act, the response was embarrassingly muted. I think people genuinely were prepared to give the band a chance to show us what they could do and prove they were worthy of all the big talk that went along with them (and, contrary to popular opinion, that included me!) but once the reality hit home that what we were seeing was in fact the best they could do, the majority of the crowd simply couldn’t give a flying one, and couldn’t wait til they buggered off!!! Were they headlining at this gig you were at, or were they the support? 🙂

      • Ange. · February 21, 2010

        The gig was The Big Day (an Australan and NZ music festival). It was the first time they’d been to Little Ole New Zealand and I was more than ecstatic to hear they were included in the line up🙂
        I’m sorry they disappointed us (well me…) but to be honest I didn’t expect a lot of crowd interaction as I’ve read reviews about thier live shows. I do enjoy a live band to have a fair bit more energy but their sound was great and really the guys (but Faris who says little…) are lovely- I met them at the signing tent.
        The lack of crowd interaction and energy is really the only thing that WAS disappointing about the Horrors and aside from that, seeing my favourite band of the last two or three years live was the highlight of my day.

        • Ange. · February 21, 2010

          Whoops.. It seems I’m computer illiterate. Didn’t mean to reply twice saying the same old things. Forget that first one ^^.

          • vonpip · February 21, 2010

            Blimey this really is the review that wouldn’t die !

      • Ange. · February 21, 2010

        The gig was Australian and New Zealand music festival Big Day Out.😀
        To be honest, I didn’t expect a lot of crowd interaction as I have read reviews about the Horrors live shows. However I was expecting far more energy, which they lacked. I was ecstatic when I found out they were announced to be playing at The Big Day Out as this was the first time they’d come to little ol’ NZ.
        Despite being disappointed (or maybe it was only me who was disappointed…) the crowd reaction to the Horrors was incredible🙂 For what energy The Horrors lacked, the crowd definitley made up for. The audience was brilliant😀 And I was surprised to see so many people there actually, considering Kasabian and Girl Talk were playing at the same tme…

  36. IAMGoth · February 17, 2010

    The Horrors are amazing, better then some of the gay music you feature on this here blog. I think Ricahrd is gay too

    • catshoe · February 17, 2010

      So is gay supposed to be some sort of insult? Yawn…. Just call me gay. Whatever

      • vonpip · February 17, 2010

        Maybe he just doesn’t share our love of Liberace?

    • Richard The Goth · March 7, 2010

      Are you asking me out????? >🙂 Sorry, but to judge from that little avatar picture next to your reply, I’m afraid you really aren’t my type dear….
      As for the Horrors being “amazing” … well, they certainly amazed me when I saw them live. I was utterly astonished by the fact that someone, anyone, would let the useless b*****ds anywhere near a stage or a studio!
      Love, hugs and kisses,
      Richard
      xxx

  37. catshoe · February 17, 2010

    Actually thinking about it, I LIKE gay music, if there is such a thing. Rock on Jimmy Somerville, and Beth Ditto, and, and, and…..

  38. Smellborp · February 23, 2010

    Has anyone mentioned hitler yet?
    On a lighter note, why not grab a beer, put yer feet up, sit back and enjoy the show:

  39. vonpip · March 7, 2010

    This thread has the lot ….love hate war …all human life is here

    • Richard The Goth · March 8, 2010

      And some not-so-human!… if you recall Bungle, Zippy and Basil Brush put in an appearance earlier on!🙂

  40. Livvy · April 17, 2010

    My god do you people even know what music is, The Horrors have something about them that bands of today would never even atempt. And ‘Primary Colours’ is an AMAZING ALBUM!
    And really what is this about slagging of their ‘new direction’ if they want to try new things, go new places with their music it’s their choice, they’re the ones who are actually making the music! So good on them that they are trying new things!
    The Horrors are a truely amazing band with amazing music and performances, why do idiots always slag them off? When they are the ones who are actally out their making music!

    • vonpip · April 17, 2010

      hahahahahahahahahaha

    • Richard The Goth · April 18, 2010

      Hello there Livvy, and congratulations on igniting this thread again… Every time it seems we’ve finally bludgeoned it to death with a shovel, the bloody thing comes lumbering back to life, lurching clumsily ever onwards….. which brings me to The Horrors… I honestly don’t get the whole idea that we should somehow be grateful that they are out there making music, or the “they’ve changed direction, you ought to give them credit for that” approach…. why should we? They’re not going anywhere “new” with their music at all in my opinion, they’re cynically and talentlessly re-hashing much greater things that have gone before them, and managing to make a complete pig’s ear of it in the process! And I am the first to admit that bands I love have taken the sounds of the past and used them to their advantage, but bands like The Mary Chain, The Cramps, The Gun Club, took what had gone before them and wrought strange new and beautiful shapes with them, whereas the Horrors don’t have the first idea what to do with said sounds. They’re clunky, clueless amateur hour no-marks (in my own personal opinion) and that is what the review reflects. How does not liking the Horrors, or saying something detrimental about them make me or anyone else “an idiot”? How do you arrive at that conclusion?

      And, as I have said on numerous occasions in reply to previous postings, if you love The Horrors and find their LPs and live shows the positive zenith of contemporary pop culture, I am thrilled for you, I couldn’t be happier for you, but as with all things, this is a matter of taste that is purely subjective, and myself, Herr Von Pip and many others I’m afraid will always feel that the band are a crying shameful waste of guitars and drums (at least these days they’re not burning such a big hole in the ozone layer with all that hairspray!…. see, I found something nice to say about them)
      Toodle Pip,
      RTG
      xxx

  41. Pingback: Trash!!!!! - Music Banter
  42. doctorfaggot · May 18, 2011

    The Horrors are shit just like Patrick Wolf when I see those skinny arms I want to break them

  43. Richard The Goth · May 18, 2011

    Well, “doctorfaggot”, I concur with your opinion on The Horrors, and I have to say I’m no fan of Patrick Wolf either (arguably the most hilariously pathetic stage-trashing/diva-strop ever recorded… it’s on youtube somewhere, happened in Germany…) but I can’t say I’ve ever wanted to snap someone’s bones in two, simply because I don’t rate their records! A tad harsh, doctor, wouldn’t you say? Mind you, that could be just the self-defense mechanism talking, as I (naturally) am a tad on the slender side!🙂

  44. Ange. · May 19, 2011

    So who’s looking foward to the new album then?😉

    • Andy Von Pip · May 19, 2011

      What do you think of Cat’s Eyes then Ange?

      • Ange. · May 20, 2011

        Actually, I’m really torn over Cat’s Eyes. I like them but I’m not quite raving. I LOVE Rachel Zeffira’s voice. Maybe she could take over Faris’ job in The Horrors?
        Faris sounds like a bit of twit in ‘Sunshine Girls’.
        I’ve only heard the EP so maybe I can give you a more set opinion once I’ve listened to the album.

        What are your thoughts?

        • Andy Von Pip · May 22, 2011

          I liked a few bits but I can see what you mean about Farris. ( I think Richard may say he always sounds like a twit.) But there are some interesting moments, although I’m not sure it quite deserves the revence some people seem to give it.🙂

        • Andy Von Pip · May 25, 2011

          I never thought I’d say this , but the new Horrors songs I’ve heard, aren’t just good they are excellent. I need a lie down!

          • Ange. · May 25, 2011

            That is honestly the last thing I’d expect to read on this post! hahaha. So you’ve heard more than one new song from ‘Skying’?
            I’ve just heard ‘Still Life’. I really like it, it sounds pretty familiar though but I’m not sure what it reminds me of.

            As for Cat’s Eyes, I do like the album, it’s definitely got its moments. I still think I prefer Rachel to Faris though but they do manage to make it work together.

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